IELTS Academic Writing task 1

Hello,

Please you check for me my writing for IELTS academic task 1. If there is any error or if you know any improvement that I can take to make a better essay, please give me a comment . Thanks so much

Question:

The bar charts below provide information about percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language in different countries

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

The bar charts illustrate information on proportions of students who are good at the second language in six different countries China, Romania, Thailand, India, Russia and Vietnam according to sex. In general, it can be seen that India has more students who are fluent in a foreign language than the others in both male and female

In India, about 70% of female students and over 65% of male students are good at a foreign language. Following India is Romania in which around 65% of female students and above 40% of male students are able to speak the second language well. Viet Nam and Russia have relative percentages of students who are proficient in a foreign language with approximately 56% of female, 38% of male students in Vietnam and around 42% of female, 35% of male students in Russia. In China the proportion of students speaking well in another language is smallest at roughly 28% of male and 30% of female students. Thailand is the only country where the male students account for a larger percentage than female students in terms of the capacity of speaking well in a foreign language