IELTS

Question

Hi everyone, I started learning IELTS a week. This is topic writing I took from https://ieltsonlinetests.com/ . I look forward to receiving everyone's help with my work. Thank you very much !
TOPIC : ( including image )
The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

MY WORK :
The line graph illustrate the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

First of all, the local students made a very big distance to the overseas student in the commencing. The commencing of overseas students was a sharp rise over ten year piriod (under 2000 to about 4000 students ). In contrast to the local students was slightly different to another year, but not too much, about above and below 20000.

Secondly, the total of two is a big distance. The number of local students was always higher than the overseas students. The overseas student over ten year was a sharp rise, about 2000 to 8000 students. And the local also, about 40000 to 60000.

In conclusion, that was a big difference of two types students in Australian universities over ten year period - overseas students and local students. However, two of which will develop sharply in future.

Thank you <3

Air blue 154 · Accepted Answer

Hi everyone, I started learning IELTS a week. This is topic writing I took from https://ieltsonlinetests.com/ . I look forward to receiving everyone's help with my work. Thank you very much !
TOPIC : ( including image )
The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

MY WORK :
The line graph illustrate the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period.

First of all, the local students made a very big distance to the overseas student in the commencing. The commencing of overseas students was a sharp rise over ten year piriod (under 2000 to about 4000 students ). In contrast to the local students was slightly different to another year, but not too much, about above and below 20000.

Secondly, the total of two is a big distance. The number of local students was always higher than the overseas students. The overseas student over ten year was a sharp rise, about 2000 to 8000 students. And the local also, about 40000 to 60000.

In conclusion, that was a big difference of two types students in Australian universities over ten year period - overseas students and local students. However, two of which will develop sharply in future.

Thank you <3

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

For Task 1: Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure. Read my advice for Task 1 essays. If you have made any of the common mistakes that are described, revise your writing before posting it.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

Most of your writing is not good English. I think that you did not understand this task. Task 1 is very difficult, so a beginner student must start by writing very simple and clear sentences with good grammar. Be careful of singular and plural nouns.

The line graph (There is more than one graph.) illustrate (wrong word and w

The line graph (There is more than one graph.) illustrate (wrong word and wrong verb form) the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over a ten year period. (Incomplete. Is that 1977-1987, or 1956-1966 or some other decade? Also you did not mention that the total and those entering the freshman class are shown. Describe the figure completely so you can discuss the categories and years in the body paragraphs.)

First of all, the local students made a very big distance (poor and unnatural English - distances are long in Australia. It is a big country. But kilometers or miles is not on the graph.) to the overseas student (One student?) in the commencing. (wrong expression) The commencing of overseas students (wrong expression) was a sharp rise over ten year piriod (under 2000 to about 4000 students ). In contrast to the local students was slightly different to another year, (That makes no sense. What year are you writing about? 1955? 2019? ) but not too much, about above and below 20000. (That makes no sense. A number can be greater than 20000 or less than 20000, but not both.

~~Secondly,~~ Second, the total of two is a big distance. (wrong expression) The number of local students was always higher than the overseas students. The overseas student (One student?) over ten year was a sharp rise, (That makes no sense.) about 2000 to 8000 students. And the local (One student?) also, about 40000 to 60000.

Do not write a conclusion paragraph for Task 1. Read my advice about Task 1 essay structures.

In conclusion, that was a big difference of two types students in Australian universities over ten year period - overseas students and local students. However, two of which will develop sharply in future. (Do not write any opinions, deductions or inferences in Task 1. Just write about the data in the figure. The graph does not tell you about the future. It is all in the past.)

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