IELTS 13- test-1- writing task 2

Question

This is my first post, thanks for anyone who could help me correct my essay.

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IELTS writing task 2

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause severe social problems as well as practical problems.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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My answer:

For some people, living in another country could be a special experience and be a valuable opportunity to enhance their ability of foreign language speaking. But for those people who cannot speak foreign language well, it could bring a series of issues. I believe that there are some situations could explain why this is the case.

First of all, language barrier may rise a lot of practical problems for those who living overseas. The first problem is in people’s daily life, like shopgoers normally don’t know what are those ingredients in supermarket or unable to describe what they want to buy to sellers by using proper language. Some of them may choose to use a dictionary to show words but that is an inefficient way. Another practical problem could happen when a few of people get sick and go to a hospital. Those medical terms may be rather difficult for native speakers to understand, not mention for those foreigners. One more practical problem could for those people who try to find a job in labor market abroad. Due to the language barrier, people may not be able to find a decent job and feel frustrated.

Secondly, those practical problems caused by language barrier for people who living abroad could lead to more social problems. Like people unable to find a job, the rate of unemployment actually increases. The more people unemployed, the more likelihood of crime happens. People may eventually commit crimes like theft, robbery, kidnapping, and even murder. People who speak native language weakly could also suffer some sorts of discriminations from native-speakers, which is also another social issue.

In conclusion, there could be a lot of fun for living in a foreign country, but it is also obvious that language barrier could worsen people’s life for foreigners.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

lizjiangLiving in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause severe social problems as well as practical problems.

First of all, I find this topic sentence quite unnatural. Did you write this, or it came from the IELTS? This sentence has a relative clause. If you ignore the clause for a moment, the sentence will read: Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause severe social problems as well as practical problems. I particularly have semantic questions about the phrases " severe social problems" and "practical problems". So you need to explain it. When we use higher level adjectives, (severe, extreme etc..) it must semantically match the syntax.

After glancing over your essay, I think the sentence structure has many issues. When one has a language barrier, the problems he will be facing are basically "everyday routine" problems because if he cannot speak effectively to communicate with the people where he lives, his problems basically begin from the m oment he leaves his home. I think "social problems" is the wrong term in my opinion. When we refer to social problems, we usually refer to homelessness, crime, unemployment etc... What you meant was, the problem he will face in a social surrounding. However, "social problem" doesn't work with the context. I highlighted the first paragraph to show you where the grammar and structure problems are.

First of all, language barrier may rise a lot of practical problems for those who living overseas. The first problem is in people’s daily life, like shopgoers normally don’t know what are those ingredients in supermarket or unable to describe what they want to buy to sellers by using proper language. Some of them may choose to use a dictionary to show words but that is an inefficient way. Another practical problem could happen when a few of people get sick and go to a hospital. Those medical terms may be rather difficult for native speakers to understand, not mention for those foreigners. One more practical problem could for those people who try to find a job in labor market abroad. Due to the language barrier, people may not be able to find a decent job and feel frustrated.

Secondly, those practical problems caused by language barrier for people who living abroad could lead to more social problems. Like people unable to find a job, the rate of unemployment actually increases. The more people unemployed, the more likelihood of crime happens. People may eventually commit crimes like theft, robbery, kidnapping, and even murder. People who speak native language weakly could also suffer some sorts of discriminations from native-speakers, which is also another social issue.

In conclusion, there could be a lot of fun for living in a foreign country, but it is also obvious that language barrier could worsen people’s life for foreigners.

IELTS 13- test-1- writing task 2

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