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Anonymous Posted 19 years ago
Grammar

I'd like a simpler and less redundant sentence. Help.

0 Hello, everyone.02br
00 A happy new year!02br
00 I wrote two sentences which mean the same.02br
00 Which do you think is better, (A) or (B)?02br
00 If you have any idea to improve these sentences, please let me know.02br
02br
00 (A)02br
02br
00 In the cardiac and hepatitic edema patients,02br
00 among the former, the drug efficacy remained stable even in the duration period,02br
00 while, among the latter, it tended to decrease in the period.02br
02br
00 (B)02br
02br
00 In the comparison of the 24-hour urine volume,02br
00 the cardiac edema group maintained a stable drug efficacy even in the duration period,02br
00 while the hepatitic edema group had a decreased efficacy in the period.02br
02br
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Top answer

02br 02br 001. 02br 02br 002. 02br 02br 00I'm sure native speakers will rewrite in much better way, should they try to.

— Ant_222

  • 02br 02br 001.
  • 02br 02br 002.
  • 02br 02br 00I'm sure native speakers will rewrite in much better way, should they try to.
  • 0-
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2 Answers
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0 Here's my try.02br
02br
001. During a 24-hour period, the cardiac edema patients exhibited a constant drug efficacy, while that of hepatitic edema patients was decreasing.02br
02br
002. During a 24-hour period, the drug efficacy of cardiag edema patients remained constant while that of hepatitc edema ones was decreasing (or: decreased throughout the peri
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0
0 Perhaps: 01b02br
02br
00 For02b00 the cardiac patients, the drug efficacy remained stable, while01b00 for02b00 the hepatic edema patients it tended to decrease during the same period.02br
02br
01b00Among 02b00the cardiac patients, the drug efficacy remained stable, while 01b00among
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