Iambic Pentameter Sonnet..PLEASE HELP PROOF READ!!

Question

Can u please point out the lines that are not iambic pentameter..and tell me how to fix them!!

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I VERY APPRECIATE IT!!!

a Thee is nothing to me cause what happened
b I will never forget you in my heart
a Now we have lost love and we are saddened
b You have moved along, now our hearts apart
c I can't keep you out of my conscious mind
d But now I decided to move along
c On my search, I will overlook your kind
d Now I have found a girl that will love lifelong
e Both of us will live a life full of love
f We wont leave each other by any mean
e Now I can see the doves flying above
f She shall be the best and my supreme queen
g I have forever forgotten the past
g For today I am with her at long last

CalifJim · Accepted Answer

baller228Can u you please point out the lines that are not iambic pentameter..and tell me how to fix them!!

a There is nothing to me cause what happened
b I will never forget you in my heart
a Now we have lost love and we are saddened
b You have moved along, now our hearts apart
c I can't keep you out of my conscious mind
d But now I decided to move along
c On my search, I will overlook your kind
d Now I have found a girl that will love lifelong
e Both of us will live a life full of love
f We won't leave each other by any mean
e Now I can see the doves flying above
f She shall be the best and my supreme queen
g I have forever forgotten the past
g For today I am with her at long last

The line in blue has 11 syllables -- one too many. The rest have the correct syllable count of 10.
The words in green cause the lines to end with an unstressed syllable. That is not characteristic of iambic rhythm.
Only the pieces of lines marked in brown are strict iambic pentameter. Sometimes the first two syllables have a reversed stress pattern in the sonnets you will read, and a little of that is fine for variety, but you have altered the pattern much more than that on most lines. Number the syllables 1 through 10. For a really strict iambic rhythm, the odd numbered ones should all be unstressed, and the even numbered ones should all be stressed.

You should also note that some of this makes no sense because it is grammatically incorrect, for example, the first line.

CJ

Avangi · Answer

What am I missing, guys?

In the original, I don't see a single line of iambic pentameter!

CalifJim · Answer

AvangiI don't see a single line of iambic pentameter!

Me neither, but I think most of it can be salvaged with a bit of rework.

CJ

Anonymous · Answer

so the stuff in brown is good but everything i need to change?

Avangi · Answer

This one is the closest:

<< c. I can't keep you out of my conscious mind >>

I can't keep you within my conscious mind. (keep you and out of are trochiac)

I can't forget you in my conscious mind. (I call this iambic pentameter.)

I'm not saying it makes sense.

Baller228 · Answer

can you please fix up some more for me, because this is due tomorrow and i dont get one single thing...I WILL BE VERY GRATEFUL....THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE

Avangi · Answer

I feel your pain, but you're talking about a lot of work. I just don't have the time. Sorry.

Actually, "e" is very close. "Flying" is trochaic (strong-weak), and could be reversed by using "which fly," which is "weak-strong" (iambic).

<< e. Now I can see the doves flying above. >>

Now I can see the doves which fly above.

"Now I" can go either way, depending on inflection. (You can stress either the now or the I.)

a. Now we have lost our love and we are sad.

b. Oh you have moved along and we're apart.

d. But now I know that I must move along.

Anonymous · Answer

thank you

Iambic Pentameter Sonnet..PLEASE HELP PROOF READ!!

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