I wrote a new essay for Ielts writing task 2. Hope you will read it and help me find out my mistakes that need to be corrected. Thanks!!

Question

Essay topic: Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company organization.

Why this might be the case?

What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

The fast growth of this society has put pressure on us to improve our understanding as well as our opinion about different aspects to adapt to a new environment. Many people nowadays choose themselves a new way to start their careers independently rather than applying for a company or community.

From the perspective of many individuals, being self-employed gives them comfort and convenience. It may be true in some ways because an autonomous work environment gives them an advantage in being more relaxed and comfortable than when they have to follow the strict principles of a company. This is a springboard for them to boost their spirits and create higher productivity. Besides, people choose to work independently can freely decide the most suitable place to work. This flexibility can benefit a lot for everyone especially the young parents to have more time taking care of their babies and doing housework as well.

Secondly, the severance of today's job market makes people face a lot of difficulties in applying and getting their favorite job. Furthermore, many individuals are not satisfied with their salary because it is not suitable for their current economic climate. They even have to work overtime with the aim of earning more money to afford the basic necessities of life. This may have direct negative effects on their mental as well as physical health. Therefore, it is understandable why there are more and more people choose to be self-employed to reduce their stress level, fulfill their aim and extend their opportunity to make more profit.

However, this situation also remains many drawbacks when it comes to. People have to be self-reliant about finance and may get trouble in having enough money to invest in the field they have chosen. Besides, they may face a lot of unpredictable problems and have to suffer from those bad situations by themselves. Furthermore, it is very difficult for people who have just started their own careers to find out a market to consume their products. As a matter of fact, many consumers usually prefer big companies that have good reputations to the small and new ones because of the belief that famous companies may have more experience and better quality of service, in addition.

In conclusion, I think that although the idea of being self-employed is a good way for people nowadays to challenge themselves and gain more private achievements, there are still a lot of problems that they have to be concerned about. Therefore, everybody should launch a full-scale consideration into this situation and decide the best way for themselves.

Mynhung · Accepted Answer

I have rewritten my essay, hope you will help me correct it!

The fast growth of this society has directly influenced many people's attitude towards different aspects of life. Nowadays, more and more individuals no longer search for a job in a company or an organization but independently create their own careers and this situation is becoming one of the current affairs that people have to consider about.
On the one hand, there are several reasons explain why people, especially young adults try to be self-employed rather than applying for a job like former generations. First of all, the job market in many recent years has become more and more severe that just a few number of employees can follow their favorite occupations. In addition, some individuals are not satisfied with their salary because it cannot help them afford the basic necessities of their family's living. Therefore, it is understandable why they now tend to build up their own careers to fulfill their dreams and extend opportunity to make more profit.
Furthermore, in many countries around the world, young people nowadays are encouraged to establish their own companies because this helps those nations boost their economic development. With their flexibility, creativity and good health condition combined with the contribution of advanced technology, young generations have an advantage in startup and have a chance to make use of those benefits to achieve more success in their careers. Thus, this society is a springboard for them to be self-employed and show their own ability in different fields.
However, as a matter of fact, being self- employed also remains many unexpected problems, Some individuals are unable to have enough money to invest for a long term. Following that, they usually lack of experience and have many skill gaps, so they may find it quite difficult to catch up with other companies and meet the demand of society. Furthermore, they have to be completely responsible for unpredictable problems such as plummeting profits, economic crisis and other insurmountable ones. Therefore, people absolutely should launch a full-scale consideration before deciding to set up their own companies.
In conclusion, I think that although being self-employed has many drawbacks, it is still a good way for young individuals to express their ability as well as satisfy their aim. After all, they should gain more understanding of the requirement of consumers and find out more markets for consumption if they want to maintain an uninterrupted economic growth.

I wrote a new essay for Ielts writing task 2. Hope you will read it and help me find out my mistakes that need to be corrected. Thanks!!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions