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Jimmys20 Posted 16 years ago
I would like some help with my poem
Hello, my name is Jim and I'm from Greece. I am 15 years old and I'm new here. I've been studying English for more that six year and this year I wrote the FCE and ECCE exams. I think I've passed them and I'll get my certificates. Anyway, I really like writing poems. I started writing poems in my native language (Greek) but lately I'm also writing poems in English. Well, the one I'm going to write below I want to make it a song. I've found the singer and the music (not professional) and we agreed to make it. So my poem is:
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
When I first saw you
I knew I would love you
You were my dream girl
I couldn't forget you
But...
I never had the chance
to tell you how I feel.
I was in love with you
but you just couldn't see...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I could tell you
how much I want you
but I couldn't...
I wish I could tell you
how much I need you
but I couldn't...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I were with you
I were warm in your arms
Feeling your heart beating...
Feeling you breathing...
I wish you were with me
you were by my side
Together living...
Together dreaming...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I could tell you
how much I miss you
but I couldn't...
I wish I could tell you
how much I love you
but I couldn't...
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
So, first of all I hope you liked it. Now I would like you to tell me if it needs any corrections. Any suggestions of something I should add, etc. You know I want it to be perfect. Maybe someone here writes also poems and would like to help me make it better? Or some more lines that will make it better?
Thanks in advance
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
When I first saw you
I knew I would love you
You were my dream girl
I couldn't forget you
But...
I never had the chance
to tell you how I feel.
I was in love with you
but you just couldn't see...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I could tell you
how much I want you
but I couldn't...
I wish I could tell you
how much I need you
but I couldn't...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I were with you
I were warm in your arms
Feeling your heart beating...
Feeling you breathing...
I wish you were with me
you were by my side
Together living...
Together dreaming...
- - - - - - - - - -
I wish I could tell you
how much I miss you
but I couldn't...
I wish I could tell you
how much I love you
but I couldn't...
- - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - -
So, first of all I hope you liked it. Now I would like you to tell me if it needs any corrections. Any suggestions of something I should add, etc. You know I want it to be perfect. Maybe someone here writes also poems and would like to help me make it better? Or some more lines that will make it better?
Thanks in advance
Top answer
hmm... No replies yet. I hope at least someone will give attention to this and drop a response.
- hmm...
- No replies yet.
- I hope at least someone will give attention to this and drop a response.
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8 Answers
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hmm... No replies yet. I hope at least someone will give attention to this and drop a response.
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Thank you for your kind reply everlastinghope! That was really nice to hear! :-) If we manage to make it song I won't forget to send you the link to check it. ;-)
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jimmys20I want to make it a song. I've found the singer and the music (not professional) and we agreed to make it.hello there,
i love writing lyrics and making songs too! ah, i ain't sure if this song needs any corrections or not, but as far as i am concerned, it sounds just nice. So, simply dropping by to wish you all the best in the making your s
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Jimmy, in poems and songs, grammar isn't always important. It's rarely important, actually.
However,
Now: I wish I could tell you, but I can't.
Then: I wish I could've told you, but I couldn't.
If you use I wish I could, you are telling her how you feel now.
If you use I wish I could have (could've), you are telling her how you felt then.
However,
Now: I wish I could tell you, but I can't.
Then: I wish I could've told you, but I couldn't.
If you use I wish I could, you are telling her how you feel now.
If you use I wish I could have (could've), you are telling her how you felt then.
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Well, you are right. Grammar is not that important in poems. And that's why I used "I wish I could tell you, but I couldn't", just because it sounds best when it's sang. Thanks for replying :-)
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