I would be very pleased if someone could check my essay for ielts writing task 2 academic module, correct the mistakes and tell the approximate score.

If you could change one important thing about your home town what would you change?

I was born and grew up in *****. It is a very beautiful and green city with big number of historical places to visit,  malls and supermarkets. But, my city also has some problems, the most significant one is overpopulation. It is especially noticeable at peak hours, when people struck at the really big traffic jams on their way home. That is why I would change the whole transport system if I could. 

At first, I would start with renewing the public transport. The busses and trams are demanded to be comfortable for every person, including invalids. Then, they must be clean and tidy, therefore it would be pleasing for people to use them. Another point is that the fares should not be high, so people with not high income could afford it. In that case public transport could attract more passengers.

Secondly, it is a good idea to make other ways of transportation, such as using  a bicycle, possible and convenient for citizens. For example, if government create special tracks for cyclists, the majority of people will choose this way, due to the fact that it is not only environmentally harmless, but also helps individuals to keep fit. In addition, providing that there are no any special license for riding a bicycle, it will be easier for children and young people to get to their schools, universities, work etc by bicycle.

To conclude, such changes will not only solve the problem with great amount of cars on the roads and traffic jams, but also reduce the air and noise pollution that cars make. As a result we will have better environment and healthy inhabitants.