I would appreciate your comments on my letter of motivation

Question

I feel that the letter is short but frankly i don´t know where to expand!!! Am open to suggestions!!!

Dear Sir/Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Master’s Program in International Humanitarian Action at the University of ***.

I have attained a Master´s Degree in Law from YYY, South Africa, in April 1998 as well as a Bachelor´s Degree in Law from ***, Zambia, in October 1993.

From the time of my undergraduate studies in International Law, I have had an interest in Humanitarian affairs. This has only grown with the unfolding of the effects that Malaria, Tuberculosis, HIV and AIDS have had on Sub-Saharan Africa in general and on Zambia in particular. Coming from Zambia that relies on Aid in a number of areas has also been a driving force in my ambition to work in Humanitarian Assistance on a full time basis. Although I have held various voluntary roles that have involved working with disadvantaged groups, it was not until my volunteer role with a small youth centre in Santiago de Chile this year that I came to fully appreciate the need for proper professional training in this field. My experience with the children from abusive and dysfuntional homes only made it clear that having a desire to help was but a first step.

I am drawn to the Master´s Programme offered by the University of YYY because of it´s Multidisciplinary and Inter-University nature which provide for a diversity of veiwpoints and expertise. I am interseted in the bringing together of academic and practical experience that the programme provides. Having spent the last 5 years in the business sector, I feel that the programme will also be a compliment to my experience attained in the areas of Project Management and Logistics.

In line with my plans to work fulltime in the area of humanitrian Aid and assistance I see this programme as an indispensable step towards that goal.

I thank you for considering my application and look forward to your favourable consideration.

Yours sincerly,

MountainHiker · Accepted Answer

Dear Sir [or] Madam:

I am writing to apply for the Master’s Program in International Humanitarian Action at the University of ***.

I have attained a Master’s Degree in Law from YYY, South Africa, in April 1998 as well as a Bachelor’s Degree in Law from ***, Zambia, in October 1993.

From the time of my undergraduate studies in International Law, I have had an interest in [h]umanitarian affairs. This has only grown with the unfolding of the effects that [m]alaria, [t]uberculosis, HIV and AIDS have had [or having?] on Sub-Saharan Africa in general and on Zambia in particular. Coming from Zambia that relies on Aid in a number of areas has also been a driving force in my ambition to work in [h]umanitarian [a]ssistance on a full time basis. [1] Although I have held various voluntary roles that have involved working with disadvantaged groups, it was not until my volunteer role with a small youth centre in Santiago de Chile [unless it is a Spanish University, Santiago, Chile] this year that I came to fully appreciate the need for proper professional training in this field. My experience with the children from abusive and dysfun[c]tional homes only made it clear that having a desire to help was but a first step.

I am drawn to the Master’s Programme offered by the University of YYY because of it’s [m]ultidisciplinary and nter-niversity nature which provide for a diversity of v[ie]wpoints and expertise. I am inter[e]seted in the bringing together of academic and practical experience that the programme provides.[2] Having spent the last [five] years in the business sector, I feel that the programme will also be a compliment to my experience attained in the areas of [p]roject [m]anagement and [l]ogistics. [3]

In line with my plans to work fulltime in the area of humanit[a]rian [a]id and assistance I see this programme as an indispensable step towards that goal.

I thank you for considering my application and look forward to your favourable [reply]. [4]

Yours sincer[e]ly,

1) I am not sure that is the “coming from Zambia” that is the driving force? It is perhaps what you have seen and witnessed in Zambia?

2) I don’t know what “inter-university” means but I trust that you do. Just make sure that they will understand what that word means.

3) Having spent the last [five] years in the business sector, I feel that the programme will also be a compliment to my experience attained in the areas of [p]roject [m]anagement and [l]ogistics.:

original above and modified below

Having spent the last [five] years in the business sector, I feel that the programme will compliment my project management and logistics experience.

4) You have considering earlier in the sentence, so I think you want to avoid consideration.

Overall comments:

Overall I like your letter. I don’t think it is too short. I think it is to-the-point and efficient. They will probably enjoy reading a tight and concise letter.

If you were pressed to expand it, you might want to discuss more about the lessons you learned while at Santiago as well as what your career ambitions are. I know you obviously want to work with humanitarian aid, but where, for what cause, etc. I suspect you have some plans so it might be helpful to expand upon that.

Two other small but important points are to watch your spelling and watch your capitalizations.

That’s it. Overall, your letter is very good. Not much work is required from us.

MountainHiker

Mbita · Answer

Many thanks for your input. Will make necessary changes with an eye on that terrible spelling!!!

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Mountain Hiker,

I am also applying for the NOHA program and I was wondering if you could read over my letter.

Thank you so much.

Dear Sir/Madam,
I am submitting my application to the NOHA European Masters in Humanitarian Action for the academic year 2010/2011. I am a graduate of the University of Maryland (US) with a Bachelor of Science in Public Health and I will also be receiving a Masters in Public Health with a focus in Global Health in May 2010 from George Mason University (US).
As a volunteer with the Clinic Ambrose Pare in Conakry working with Liberian refugees in Guinea, my major task was to teach capacity building techniques to the refugees as well as strategies on how to live a healthier life (e.g. dealing with Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), and the early stages of family planning). This experience was the start of my growing interest in the field of humanitarian aid. I also interned with the National Institutes of Health (NIH) where I had the opportunity to work on the design, implementation and evaluation of programs geared towards refugees and asylees in the Washington DC area and work with African and Hispanic refugees seeking guidance on how to start a new life after living traumatic experiences.
Being from Guinea and having lived in a myriad of African countries, I am aware of the benefits of Humanitarian Action and this notion has always been my main motivation to work in Humanitarian Aid.
The fact that I am fluent in French (mother tongue) and English gave me the advantage to work with anglophone and francophone refugees. In addition, I also have intermediate knowledge of Spanish.
The NOHA Master in International Humanitarian Action will help me further my career in the field of humanitarian aid to administer proper global health programs and processes in post-conflict areas. The fact that the program combines academic and practical experience is exceptional and this will definitely help me improve my logistics and technical assistance expertise as well as build up my project management skills. The NOHA Masters will compliment my Masters in Public Health and help me fulfill my future career plans which are to implement public health (especially maternal and child health and refugee health) programs and provide humanitarian action to those suffering from HIV/AIDS, and communicable diseases. Also, my main goal is to eradicate the health issues facing Africa and especially work with refugees which interest me most.

Thank you for considering my application and I look forward to your favorable consideration.

Yours faithfully,
Hawa Camara

Anonymous · Answer

Hi Hawa! I'm applaying for this master this year..can you give me some advices? did you get the enter?

Best regards from colombia!

I would appreciate your comments on my letter of motivation

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