I would appreciate it very much if you could express your opinions on this

Hi everyone,

First of all I would like to thank a lot, those people who created this forum and who maintain it in a functional and useful state.It is a very powerful tool to broaden you knowledge,thank you again.

I am going to apply for a bachelor degree at a university,and I am supposed to write a letter.
I would appreciate it very much if you could express your opinions on this letter...thank you

Before reading,could you write, whether it is ok to mention: " why I should be admitted in the programme?",despite the fact that right in this way it is written in the university brochure:"Letter explaining why you should be admitted in the programme".

Also I mention that I've used some expressions that I've read in some of the letters already posted on this forum.I think the original authors won't get upset.Thank you

Here is my letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to express my willingness to apply for the X, bachelor degree programme at the Y university for the fall semester 2008.In this letter I will explain why I should be admitted in the programme.

For the beginning I would like to provide some background information about me.
My name is Name Surname and I am 20 years old. I was raised in a city called Z, the capital of W, a small country situated in ZX.From an early age, I have been encouraged by my parents to strive for acquiring extra knowledge and experience besides the primary education at school.As a result, I developed a particular fondness for foreign languages as Russian, followed by English, then French and recently I began to study German language.This passion was a key factor for my participation in different foreign language related contests during high school and turned out to play a major role in the decision to pursue my higher education in a foreign university.

My fondness towards economy, especially the way a business is administered, developed while I was still at high school.This was a period of time which coincided with radical economical changes in my country, on the background of the globalizing economy and multinational corporations. I was fascinated by people who work in large business, which seemed to me as the power that moves this world, by their ability to solve complex tasks and find new solutions for a demanding world.I felt that business is the field where I was eager to build my career.
My growing enthusiasm allowed me to become a member of an NGO, named "AIESEC", which stands for "Association Internationale des Etudiants en Sciences Economiques et Commerciales".This is an organisation which enables young people to discover and develop their potential to provide leadership for a positive impact on society.Within the framework of this organisation, I have been taking part in different local and national projects with an economical profile that encompass voluntariate, leadership activities, trainings and seminars.All these, help me develop a new and a more profound vision on business world, gain precious leadership, oratorical, management, teamwork skills and experience and entices me to strive for more ambitious goals.

The culmination point of all my persistence was a 3 month workshop, entitled "Training of the Trainers", organized by the International Trade Center, a technical cooperation agency of the United Nations Conference on Trade and Development and the World Trade Organisation, which took place in summer 2007.It was a workshop, mainly for business consultants, which taught new consulting techniques, how to use an up-to-date software and work in a modern and extremely competitive business environment.Despite the fact that people with little experience, like me, were not allowed to take part in such a workshop, I couldn't resist the temptation to participate as well.Fortunately, my great enthusiasm and dedication towards business world, noticed by the organizers, played a decisive role and I was accepted.Namely this workshop, having an enormous positive impact on me, was a turning point and an additional argument to dedicate my professional life to business.

It was clear for me that, in order to achieve my goals, I must, first of all, receive a valuable education in business.During my research on foreign universities, I came across the Y university, as the one which fits best to me, as well as, the one I would fit best to.A very obvious argument why I am considering the Y university, is its high standard of education.Being one of the most competitive universities in XZ, it offers a unique opportunity to acquire a practically and market oriented knowledge and experience, thus indispensable aspects for a successful professional.

Another good reason for me to join the XZ university is its international atmosphere.The bachelor programme being taught exclusively in English and a big number of students from all around the globe, will allow me to satisfy my craving for getting to know new people, interact with original ideas, visions and opinions, to broaden my understanding of different cultures and as a result, get prepared for an international career and the demands of a globalised economy.

What can I offer instead? I see my personal contribution towards the bachelor programme through my own personality and an active implication in the university's life.By bringing a rich background knowledge, life experience and enthusiasm, I will contribute to a truly international and competitive studying atmosphere with new and distinct economic, global, political and social views.

To sum it all up, I like to put much effort in everything I do, to work in a team and achieve ambitious goals, to strive for excellence and communicate with people.All these allow me to gain new experience, strengthen my character, develop myself as a person and build a solid network of friends and contacts, in order to make a real contribution to our world, improve it and create a comfortable place for humankind to live in.

Thank you for considering my application.I look forward to meeting you at an interview and getting to know each other better.

Sincerely yours,