I would appreciate if someone could proofread my essay. It is admissions essay for grad school, and any feedback would be valuable.

Describe your motivation for pursing a formalized study of sustainability or sustainability science. In your explanation, relate important elements of your background and experiences. Also describe what kind of academic or professional career you envision for yourself after completing the XXProgram.

Please share your opinion on my essay if i have answered all the questions above : ) Thank you!

I am a citizen of newly independent country XX.Since independence,
XX has been going through pivotal transformations in all spheres of life. Our country
badly needs highly qualified and professional cadres who will further democratize its
economic and social systems. I would like to become one of those young, highly educated,
talented, skilled and creative citizens of XX and make my own contribution to the
development of my country and nation.Since coming to Japan, I worked out my educational plans which will help me to achieve my goals. After considering many universities, I selected XXX program. The reasons were educational quality, high academic standards, cultural wealth, friendly environment, modern campus and all other facilities provided by the XX. Earning my Master's degree in Sustainability Science in XX would best fit my ambitions because the education system at allows students to study interdisciplinary studies. Studying here will enable me for me to be the best and help me to reach my dreams and ambitions.
Being part of negotiation club at XX University, I participated in XXX University Model United Nations which is organised annually by the University which has impacted my life positively. i was the committee supervisor that encouraged XX students to express their opinions freely. It is a privilege to take part in and being a member of international Negotiation club which helped me develop my debating skills. Morover, it gave me opportunity to address social issues from different approaches as well as lead me thinking that environmental issues can’t be neglected.
Our negotiation team yearly takes part in NMUN-DC , and i had an opportunity to participate in 2014 and 2016 respectively. NMUN in return granted me the ability to see the situation from a global perspective, and has become an important teacher for me, educating me on compromise and quick thinking. These experiences have showed me that, Sustainable development is the key for peaceful and prosperous future for humankind, and sparked a great interest in sustainability science.
Being able to help and motivate others to succeed is one of the greatest satisfactions in my life. I am committed to become an ethical leader and role model on campus and the general community. Throughout University years, I want to expand my horizons and build up connections that can be used in my professional career. I am sure that my educational experiences from XXX would serve a cornerstone in my future academic and professional career. Furthermore, my international background will definitely add more diversity to your program. I hope I will have the opportunity to join XXX program.