I want to show you guys me letter of motivation that i wrote , its my first time to write such a thing so i am sure its pretty bad:d .. so i want your opinions please !

Question

Dear ladies and gentlemen:During the past two years i was studing in IGCSE physics and math along with other subjects ofcourse , but i found myself attracted to geomtry , measmerents , cylinders. so i am willing to apply in the GUC university architectural engineering section . I also seized the chance to speak with pro. dr moheb who gave me a brief explantion about the architectural specilty . I also met a postgradute student who answered all my answers and concerns from a student's poin of view. This insight made me feel confident that this is the best specialty for me .I am willing to take masters ofcource , actually for me it is a must as to have a better knowlodge in this speciality , also i believe that our enviroment is affected constatly by the changes in technology , designs and different tastes that are being updated every now and then . so i believe that by having a strong academic foundtion from such a powerful university as GUC , i will be able to guide and adapt my studies accompained with my skills in the best way possiable way . Also i have to be creative to adapt to these new designs and technology which i am sure i am.No education is complete without experience. After i will successfully finish my studies along with my masters , i will be able to start my career which ofcourse will help me in developing my experience and therefore helping me in acheving my longterm plans and goals which is to be a successful architectural enginer which will put me in the best position to meet and fullfil my company's needs and goals . From my experience i figured out that  our world and enviroment is changing all the time , so i will be fully prepared that my methods will be consently changing to be adapted quickly and accuratly. I also know that studing in such respectful collage is all i need , no actually more than enough to make me capable of accomplishing my goals .Thanks for your time and consideration. Looking forward for your reply.Sincerely.Farah El-Etreby !

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hi Anon;

Your letter has many errors. I first call your attention to incorrect capitalization, spelling and word use in the first two paragraphs. I have not bothered to mark other grammatical errors.

Dear ladies and gentlemen:
During the past two years i was studing in IGCSE physics and math along with other subjects ofcourse , but i found myself attracted to geomtry , measmerents , cylinders. so i am willing to apply in the GUC university architectural engineering section . I also seized the chance to speak with pro. dr moheb who gave me a brief explantion about the architectural specilty . I also met a postgradute student who answered all my answers and concerns from a student's poin of view. This insight made me feel confident that this is the best specialty for me .

I am willing to take masters ofcource , actually for me it is a must as to have a better knowlodge in this speciality , also i believe that our enviroment is affected constatly by the changes in technology , designs and different tastes that are being updated every now and then . so i believe that by having a strong academic foundtion from such a powerful university as GUC , i will be able to guide and adapt my studies accompained with my skills in the best way possiable way . Also i have to be creative to adapt to these new designs and technology which i am sure i am.

Gullytale · Answer

27

Hi Farah

I have just quickly read over your application letter here. I have only given an impression on how you might better present this letter. The other poster can correct any mistakes if they are here. I have not finised it yet. I have a friend who is Egyptian and I had heard him talk about the GUC once, so know it's a university in Cairo ? Are 'measurments and cyliners' - the study of measurements and cylinders as a component of Geometry ? If you want me to review this again and try and finish it for you, let me know. I'd be happy to complete it for you. Might not be 100% accurate - but will be as near as I can get it for you. Just let me know either here or send a little note to my email - Email Removed

If this is helpful at all for you, I am more than happy to assist, and wish you all the greatest success in gaining a place on the course and your future career.

Salam

Kevin (Ireland)

The reviewed version - though not yet complete.
__________________________________________________

The person/address to whom you are writing the application (here)

Date:

Dear sir/madam,

I have been studying, with a variety of other subjects, IGCSE Physics and Mathematics for the last two years. During this time I have found myself especially interested in the study of Geometry - Measurements and Cylinders, and have decided, because of my enjoyment in the pursuit of these subjects, that I should like very much to apply to Department/Faculty for Architectural Engineering at the German University of Cairo.

I was allowed the opportunity to speak with Dr. Moheb, a professor, who kindly gave me a brief yet informative insight on the Architectural Specialism of the course.

I also met with a postgraduate student who was able to clarify and answer any particular concerns I had as regards to the course from his student perspective.

Speaking with Dr Moheb and this student, I feel reassured, very confident that this is indeed the best course/specialism for me to understake in the pursuit of my future career.

I am very interested to study at Masters level with the intent of gaining a far greater and specialist knowledge in this field. I do believe that the environment is affected by advances in technology, and not always in positive ways. Designing and creating to meet the short term demands, and immediate needs/wants of consumers, is not always best suited to the longer term needs of the society at large, from the environmental perspective.

I believe that the education provided by the GUC in this field, i.e. a strong academic foundation upon which I will grow and develop, educationally and professionally, will give me the knowledge and skills necessary to best meet the shorter and longer term needs of society and the environment in the field of Architectural Engineering. I know myself to be very creative and adaptable – qualities which I know can only be helpful in the design, manufacture and development of technologies that really do meet the ever creative and adaptive needs/demands of individuals, societies and the environment as a whole.

When I have a good foundation academically, or the beginnings of this, completing these Masters and Specialist studies, I’d hope then to be able to successfully apply that knowledge in the real world and gain and build upon work experience in that field.

______________________

I will reword the rest of this for you if it's OK thus far and you would like me to complete.

Of course no education is complete without experience. After i will successfully finish my studies along with my masters , i will be able to start my career which ofcourse will help me in developing my experience and therefore helping me in acheving my longterm plans and goals which is to be a successful architectural enginer which will put me in the best position to meet and fullfil my company's needs and goals . From my experience i figured out that our world and enviroment is changing all the time , so i will be fully prepared that my methods will be consently changing to be adapted quickly and accuratly. I also know that studing in such respectful collage is all i need , no actually more than enough to make me capable of accomplishing my goals .

Thanks for your time and consideration. Looking forward for your reply.

Sincerely.

Farah El-Etreby !

I want to show you guys me letter of motivation that i wrote , its my first time to write such a thing so i am sure its pretty bad:d .. so i want your opinions please !

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