I want to know my weaknes, pleas correct my Essay .

Question

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

One of the lessons in life is that a person has to be confident in making his decision, and for that to be obtained by the a person, a strategy need to be applied in that matter. Some people have the inborn skills to act against their decision and responsibility .
What I am trying to say is that a child can gain his confidence, face his\her decisions and take action against his\her responsibility from communicate with the things around him, children can learn fast, that is one thing. On the other hand, In some countries when a child has nothing nothing to do in his free time, but might involving in bad activities, and spending his free time with un-beneficial things, in which will make him\her grow up with narrow perception, careless and become diffident, for lacking of exposure things around him\her. However,
I believe that a paid work will be a good experience for a children in order to develop his\her skills in brainstorming with other people, and make it a good way to gain confidence in splendid manner, it can teach him\her that how to deal and talk with people? become lovely among them, strong in his decision and expand of perceptions .
I experienced more than one event in that matter, I once went shopping with a friend of mine, and I stumbled by this child who was sitting with tare weight next to him, I almost stepped on the tare weight to see how much I weight, all of sudden the child stopped me, and asked me to pay first. I really admired that child's encouragement and his talk's pattern. I asked myself how come a child like that can speak in an delegate way like an adult, from my conclusion and search . He had gain that with time he used between school and his free time.
In some conditions I totally support the child who is able to make a chance through a way eligible things, of course in some certain ages .

Pleas correct my Essay
Thanks ahead

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

I have underlined some problem areas and struck out some unnecessary words:

One of the lessons in life is that a person has to be confident in making his decision, and for that to be obtained by the a person, a strategy need to be applied ~~in that matter~~. Some people have the inborn skills to act against their decision and responsibility .
~~What I am trying to say is that~~ a child can gain his confidence, face his\her decisions and take action against his\her responsibility from communicate with the things around him, children can learn fast~~, that is one thing~~. On the other hand, In some countries when a child has nothing nothing to do in his free time, but might involving in bad activities, and spending his free time with un-beneficial things, in which will make him\her grow up with narrow perception, careless and become diffident, for lacking of exposure things around him\her. However,
I believe that a paid work will be a good experience for a children in order to develop his\her skills in brainstorming with other people, and make it a good way to gain confidence in splendid manner, it can teach him\her that how to deal and talk with people? become lovely among them, strong in his decision and expand of perceptions .
~~I experienced more than one event in that matter,~~ I once went shopping with a friend of mine, and I stumbled by this child who was sitting with tare weight next to him, I almost stepped on the tare weight to see how much I weight, all of sudden the child stopped me, and asked me to pay first. I really admired that child's encouragement and his talk's pattern. I asked myself how come a child like that can speak in an delegate way like an adult, from my conclusion and search . He had gain that with time he used between school and his free time.
In some conditions I totally support the child who is able to make a chance through a way eligible things, of course in some certain ages .

If you have to use 'him/her' more than twice, then you should not use it at all. Change the sentences to plural: 'children can gain confidence and face their decisions...'

Xmagedo · Answer

Hi
Thank you very much.
Can you suggest a word that can be replaced with the ones you underlined ?
Thanks in advance

Mister Micawber · Answer

No-- it is not usually the wrong word, it is also grammar, structure and collocation.  Please try to fix your essay yourself-- that is how you learn.

Xmagedo · Answer

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

One of the lessons in life is that a people have to be confident in making their decision and taking responsibility , and for that to be obtained by the person, different strategies can be applied. As an example, communications with people and explore new things .
Children have a quick understanding with the environment around them, therefor a paid work can help them to build their personalities. In a paid work the child can learn a lot of things such as, confidence, elegance, expand of perception, self-reliance and experience. children can use this experience when they grow up in different field, such as marking, accounting, financing ...etc . I believe it's one of the methods for a children to be educated and use it in their studies . I totally support that for a children to be expert in future, a paid work is a very good way for a children to expand their knowledge .
I once went shopping with a friend mine, I scumbled by this child who uses a machine weight to gain money, personally, I had no idea about that, I stepped to the weight machine, the child stopped me all of sudden, and elegant he asked me to pay first, I was really surprise by the child's encouragement and his way of talking. I believe with that experience and what he learns from school, he can be something in the future .
At last, children who can utilize their free time to build their personality, can help their country .

Pleas check this one
thanks in advance

Mister Micawber · Answer

One of the lessons in life is that people have to be confident in making decisions and taking responsibility, and to accomplish this, different strategies can be applied, for example, communications with others and exploration of the world about us.

Children have a quick understanding of their environment, so paid work can help them to build character. While working, they can learn confidence, courtesy, preceptivity, and self-reliance, and they can use this experience in different fields such as marketing, accounting and financing when they grow up. Work is one way children are educated. For children to be experts in the future, a paying job is a very good way to expand their knowledge.

Once when shopping, I stumbled upon a child who was using a weight scale to earn money. At first I did not realize that when I stepped onto the scale, but the child stopped me all of a sudden, and he politely asked me to pay first. I was really surprised by the child's self-confidence and style. I believe with that experience and what he learns from school, he can become something in the future.

Children who can utilize their free time to build character can help their country .

Xmagedo · Answer

Wow,
Thank you very much.
Thanks for your time, that was really helpful

I want to know my weaknes, pleas correct my Essay .

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