I really need your help to correct my IELTS Writing task 2. please help!

thank you so much for helping me.

this is my essay

THE HIGH SALES OF POPULAR CONSUMER GOODS REFLECT THE POWER OF ADVERTISING BUT NOT THE REAL NEED OF THE SOCIETY WHERE SUCH PRODUCTS ARE SOLD.

TO WHAT EXTENT DO U AGREE OR DISAGREE?

Over the past decade, the pervasiveness of advertisement through social media has never ceased to draw public attention and spark controversies. Advertising has been ubiquitous, which triggered a contention that the motivation that drives consumerism to reach a higher level is the power of advertising, not the realistic demand of people. I partly agreed with this opinion even though we can not reject all the convenience that advertising brings to our life.

On one hand, some people argue that advertising has devoted nothing to our society and this media has also been harmful to credulous inhabitants. However, they are ignorant of the fact that thanks to the advertisement through social media and TV, people will have more choices to choose the products they actually want and they can also compare the prices of the goods from different shops. A telling example is that in behalf of advertisement, a large amount of useful information of the products has reached to busy entrepreneurs, who do not have time to always approach to the market to find out about the use of merchandises. In short, advertising has become the backbone of many economies since it plays an essential role to attract the eyes of consumers and increase sales.

On the other hand, I believed that as every rose is accompanied by thorns, ads to have their disadvantages. Advertisements usually conquer the audience mainly by sending them an attractive message to induce and cajole people into buying some products that sometimes they do not need. For example, the advertisement which advertised about the dietary supplement or life-enhancing products may promote that these products can deal with some people’s worries such as dysfunction or malnutrition. As a result, audiences who lack of knowledge will easily fall into the trap of advertisements and rush to buy the advertised products. Besides, some ads tend to twist the information and give an exaggerated account of the effectiveness of the goods. So gullible buyers will readily spend tons of money on different products.

Taking all the above-mentioned facts into account, I think we cannot fully blame all the false on advertising. The consumer should find out about the origin and the function of any product before buying it.