I only can keep so much in and keep losing so much

I only can keep so much in- This to keep one feelings "inside" and not to share?

And keep losing so much- Here I'm not what it means. Before this video, she talks as well that her husband doesn't love her...

If that happens to you, what do you do?

-Sometimes I then get defensive or I blow up. -So you blow up.

-I just get mad or I launch into the all other stuff that I put down and push down and kept out of the conversation.

-You get angry?

-I get angry and then it comes up. Because I only can keep so much in and keep losing so much then I'm finally like… -so all this hurt and resentment comes up.