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Christianrupp Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing
I need somebody help PLEASE
Hi all,
I want to apply for a job in Brussel and I have to write a letter of motivation. After searching the web I construct the letter below. I would be very very thankful if you could give me some help. At the end is the job description if this may help.
thanks in advance
Chris
Dear Head of personnel department,
referring to a phone call with one of your associates Mrs. RUET I am seeking employment with Toyota Europe as an ASSISTENT IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION.
By reading your job opportunities I saw that you are offering a challenging position in an advanced automotive environment, with many international contacts. This position sounds more than interesting and it might by a challenging opportunity for me
After graduation from University and finishing my diploma work I wanted to get an insight in the automotive sector by starting an internship at the Headquarter for Peugeot Germany in the sales department. During this time, I was fascinated by the daily challenges, important decisions and the problems you have to face every day. The employment included the organisation, planning, coordination and execution of several sales actions.
I graduated in business administration from University of Applied Sciences, Saarbruecken, Germany in January 2005. Part of my studies at a University of Applied Sciences are two practical terms in a company., where students work in a company of their choice to gain practical experience or two semesters at a foreign unversity, to gain or to improve another language. I decided to take the best compromise of both. In the first term I decided to study at the san diego state university where I finished all my exams with the final note A. During the second term I worked at T-Systems in Germany where I wrote my diploma work about Mobile Sales for Handheld with mySAP CRM (= Customer Relationship Management). I was responsible for the project management and the direct partner for any kind of negotiations with our clients. In short the internship gave me the opportunity to understand more about how to handle clients and how to organise several projects.
In my opion Toyota is the next leading company in the automotive sector and I would be honored to get a chance to be part of it. I would love to do my part to reach the sales target of 980,000 Units for 2005. The opportunity to work with several customers within the Pan Euopean market even stronged my reasons for this application. As I am interested in other countries, people and the way they are doing business, I am very curious to work in Brussel at the headquarter of Toyota Europe.
With my semester abroad and my employment in different companies and the gained work experiences I can offer my multilingual skills, strong organizational skills as well as my abilitity to accomplish my tasks and assignments on or ahead of schedule. Furthermore, I am highly motivated to work in another country and especially in another language. Additionally, I learned the values of teamwork and commitment as well as working hard and focus on given goals.
Thank you very much for your time and considering my request, I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerly,
Christian
Job Description:
A challenging position in an advanced automotive environment, with many international contacts. Continuous improvement and personal development are stimulated
Your profile
University degree in economics or in business related areas
MBA is a plus
Excellent project management and negotiation skills
Proven experience to manage relationships with service providers on a pan European basis
Fluent English, any other major European language is an asset
Description
You are responsible for the implementation and management of the Pan European action plan to improve customer satisfaction in Europe.
You will lead the ongoing development of the Customer Satisfaction Action Plan and derivates
You will participate in various projects, provide action plans for these projects and tools to follow-up
You will give the necessary input for Continuous Improvement
I want to apply for a job in Brussel and I have to write a letter of motivation. After searching the web I construct the letter below. I would be very very thankful if you could give me some help. At the end is the job description if this may help.
thanks in advance
Chris
Dear Head of personnel department,
referring to a phone call with one of your associates Mrs. RUET I am seeking employment with Toyota Europe as an ASSISTENT IN CUSTOMER SATISFACTION.
By reading your job opportunities I saw that you are offering a challenging position in an advanced automotive environment, with many international contacts. This position sounds more than interesting and it might by a challenging opportunity for me
After graduation from University and finishing my diploma work I wanted to get an insight in the automotive sector by starting an internship at the Headquarter for Peugeot Germany in the sales department. During this time, I was fascinated by the daily challenges, important decisions and the problems you have to face every day. The employment included the organisation, planning, coordination and execution of several sales actions.
I graduated in business administration from University of Applied Sciences, Saarbruecken, Germany in January 2005. Part of my studies at a University of Applied Sciences are two practical terms in a company., where students work in a company of their choice to gain practical experience or two semesters at a foreign unversity, to gain or to improve another language. I decided to take the best compromise of both. In the first term I decided to study at the san diego state university where I finished all my exams with the final note A. During the second term I worked at T-Systems in Germany where I wrote my diploma work about Mobile Sales for Handheld with mySAP CRM (= Customer Relationship Management). I was responsible for the project management and the direct partner for any kind of negotiations with our clients. In short the internship gave me the opportunity to understand more about how to handle clients and how to organise several projects.
In my opion Toyota is the next leading company in the automotive sector and I would be honored to get a chance to be part of it. I would love to do my part to reach the sales target of 980,000 Units for 2005. The opportunity to work with several customers within the Pan Euopean market even stronged my reasons for this application. As I am interested in other countries, people and the way they are doing business, I am very curious to work in Brussel at the headquarter of Toyota Europe.
With my semester abroad and my employment in different companies and the gained work experiences I can offer my multilingual skills, strong organizational skills as well as my abilitity to accomplish my tasks and assignments on or ahead of schedule. Furthermore, I am highly motivated to work in another country and especially in another language. Additionally, I learned the values of teamwork and commitment as well as working hard and focus on given goals.
Thank you very much for your time and considering my request, I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerly,
Christian
Job Description:
A challenging position in an advanced automotive environment, with many international contacts. Continuous improvement and personal development are stimulated
Your profile
University degree in economics or in business related areas
MBA is a plus
Excellent project management and negotiation skills
Proven experience to manage relationships with service providers on a pan European basis
Fluent English, any other major European language is an asset
Description
You are responsible for the implementation and management of the Pan European action plan to improve customer satisfaction in Europe.
You will lead the ongoing development of the Customer Satisfaction Action Plan and derivates
You will participate in various projects, provide action plans for these projects and tools to follow-up
You will give the necessary input for Continuous Improvement
Top answer
Hi, my suggestions are: Para1. Drop the reference to the phone call - check if the job title is correct - do not use capitals. Para 2.
- Hi, my suggestions are: Para1.
- Drop the reference to the phone call - check if the job title is correct - do not use capitals.
- Para 2.
- drop completely.
- You are selling yourself to them, not the job to yourself.
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1 Answers
0
Hi, my suggestions are:
Para1. Drop the reference to the phone call - check if the job title is correct - do not use capitals.
Para 2. drop completely. You are selling yourself to them, not the job to yourself.
Para 3 and 4. this seems a little out of order, you start off talking about post-graduation experience then move back to graduation. Cut out the waffle and
Para1. Drop the reference to the phone call - check if the job title is correct - do not use capitals.
Para 2. drop completely. You are selling yourself to them, not the job to yourself.
Para 3 and 4. this seems a little out of order, you start off talking about post-graduation experience then move back to graduation. Cut out the waffle and
0
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