I need some professional suggestions on my writing.

I am a senior student and will be off for a internship in a couple months.

I've been working on the preparation for a ESOL examination, which refers to BEC(Business English Certificate) during this period.

So, below is a passage that I practiced for the second part of the writing test, which is a task that entails 200-250 words on business writing, including the forms of letter, proposal, such so.

I would greatly appreciate the assistance of you guys on helping me point out any weak points and good points in my writing, and what I could do to improve and maintain them.

Thanks million!

Dear Ms Cooper,



How are things going with you recently?



I am writing to express my genuine thanks for your unwitting efforts on hosting such a impressive and efficient conference, which was undeniably a plesant consummation for me.



I’m really surprised and glad that the conference implemented quite outstripped my anticipation that it turned out was way better. Everything was on high efficiency and when it came to explicating the marketing expansion project, it was really terse and reviting that everybody on the presentation was so engrossed in the speaker.



I appreciate your patience and your fully advance preparation for this sales conference, making it so successful and applaudable. Since the conference was so great we are thinking of a one-day conference for about 100 people in November 2009, probably 21^st or 22^nd of the month. We hope you can carry on the exacting standard as you always hold rigorous attitude and high responsibility towards your professionalism.



However, there was something we were slightly discontented about: it was felt that the menu was uninspiring for vegetarians who only favoured two mian courses provided. We would be delighted if this situation could be improved and I’m sure people would benefit from it.



Yours sincerely