0
Missmeteor Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing

I need some help with my letter of motivation too

0 Please give me advice about ma letter of motivation 02br
02br
00here it is : 02br
02br
00Personal details 02br
00First name 02br
00Last name 02br
00Address 02br
00Tel/fax : 02br
00e-mail : 02br
02br
00Subject: Inscription in Master d' Architecture 02br
00(My city), (date) 02br
02br
00Dear Mister Director of registration, 02br
02br
00After a French baccalaureat STT, I directed myself towards architecture, my passion, and I obtained my diploma of the first cycle of the studies of architecture, the DEFA. 02br
02br
00This basic training enabled me to acquire a good knowledge of architecture and the manner of designing the buildings in a french way. 02br
02br
00 My African origins had already allowed me to attend the construction of traditional houses. 02br
00 I would like now, while studying in a Canadian university, to widen my knowledge with North-American architecture and more precisely with the Canadian architecture which is different from that of France on many points. 02br
02br
00 At the time of my passage to "Pacific Gateway International College of Toronto" I had the honor to see me awarded as an " exceptional student". 02br
00 I obtained the TOEFL as I passed to Toronto (Canada). 02br
02br
00I think of having the necessary level to carry out a second cycle of studies in Canada and the portfolio attached should support my request favorably. 02br
02br
00 My final ambition is to return to work in my country of origin and for this reason I would like to be able to bind in a harmonious way the richness of indigenous traditional construction to the audacity of American architecture. 02br
02br
00I thus have the honor, Mister the Director of registration, to request my inscription in Master of Architecture. 02br
00 Hoping sincerely that this request will be accepted I remain 02br
02br
00 sincerely yours 02br
02br
00( my Signature) 02br
02br
02br
00Enclosure: CV, copy of diplomas etc... 02br
00 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 02br
00Thank you so much for your help and this site. 0-
  

Top answer

0 Hello, 02br 02br 00Nice and brief and to the point, well done, but I think you need to clarify one thing in particular. 02br 02br 00You speak of a wish to return to your country of origin - is this France or another country (you mention being of African origin but this could just mean of African descent, not necessarily that you personally come from Africa). In any case, Africa is a huge continent and it wouldn't hurt to be more precise.

  • 0 Hello, 02br 02br 00Nice and brief and to the point, well done, but I think you need to clarify one thing in particular.
  • 02br 02br 00You speak of a wish to return to your country of origin - is this France or another country (you mention being of African origin but this could just mean of African descent, not necessarily that you personally come from Africa).
  • In any case, Africa is a huge continent and it wouldn't hurt to be more precise.
  • If indeed you are from Africa, and intend to return there, this would really make you stand out from other applicants and should be made more of.
  • 02br 02br 02br 00I do not like this sentence: 02br 00I thus have the honor, Mister the Director of registration, to request my inscription in Master of Architecture.
Free · every Monday

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.

3 Answers
0
0 Hello, 02br
02br
00Nice and brief and to the point, well done, but I think you need to clarify one thing in particular. 02br
02br
00You speak of a wish to return to your country of origin - is this France or another country (you mention being of African origin but this could just mean of African descent, not necessarily that you personally come from Af
0
0 Oh yes!!Thank you!! I didn't notice that I wasn't precise enough about my return, indeed I was talking about working in Africa. 02br
02br
00about the director, i don't know if it's about a man or a woman, I just had an adress where to send my application form, i think it's an office of inscription. 02br
02br
00What can I say instead?? Maybe I should j
0
0 You are welcome. 02br
02br
00good luck. 0-

Related Questions