I need some advice on IELTS writing task 1, please.

In today’s world, although first-world countries tend to give third-world countries financial aid, this is not an effective solution to solve poverty. Therefore, it is argued that there should be alternative methods to address this problem. I firmly agree with this statement.

First and foremost, when money is sent to the government to help the poor countries, it is unsure when or how much money is going to reach the people in need. In most developing countries such as Vietnam, corruption is prevalent, which means not much money is being invested in improving the quality of their people’s lives. Ironically, it ends up the pockets of greedy politicians. Hence, the process of solving the problem of destitution in these countries is either slowed down or not solved at all.

Secondly, other solutions such as funding scholarships for schools and universities, opening up factories, directly aids in helping the people in developing countries. For example, by creating scholarships for specific type of people, such as the highly potential but poor children and young adults, have the opportunity to develop their skills and talents which may contribute back to the economy of the developing country. Therefore, not only does the funding country has more control over the money flow, but the people there are more likely to receive the help that they deserve.

In conclusion, I agree that different forms of aiding third-world countries should be taken into account as they are far more beneficial to the people and helps solve poverty better than financial aid.

Is there anything I need to improve on my writing? Thanks in advance!