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Maryanny Posted 21 years ago
Letter Writing

I need help with my letter of motivation undergraduate study/ UK

Hi everybody, I need some help to write a very good letter of motivation for my undergraduate study in the united kingdom. You can see I wrote a first version...

THANK YOU!!

Dear Sir or Madam,



I write to you to apply for the study course "International Tourism Management". I look at this study as a wide qualification to my present education in the job-training for event manager / IHK.



This education takes place in the binary system and encloses two years. The practical work in the agency xxxx close to Frankfurt forms the main focus and is completed by the vocational school. The agency xxxx is an agency for xxxx and carries out events and Incentives for economic enterprises worldwide.



Besides, my activities contain preparing, planning and arrangement of events and Incentives.



In the first steps of an arrangement we are occupied with the Research, the budget and the development of the program on site. Task is to approximate the land and the culture to the participant as well as to make the product experience able. Thus should originate a balance for the guest between work and recreation.

At the organization of the arrangement, consisting of a huge number of single factors, we are demanded as a team to lead this to success. To make this success measurable, I learned the expiries in the accounting as well as in the Controlling. It inspires me over and over again a new part of the whole process to be.



It does to me fun in the team to develop something and to see how a project originates from communication. At my work I pursue a purpose which I have always in front of my eyes and want to achieve by structure and careful planning.



By experiences in my occupation and travelling in different lands determined my wish to develop my knowledge in this branch. Great Britain as a strong economic nation persuades me as a study place. I see an international study for myself in the today's time as a chance for new perspectives and possibilities. The combination of event and tourism is for me after detailed own enquiries and conversations the right step in my following education phase.



Many thanks for your attention. I am glad about a positive answer.





Yours truly,



xxxx
  

Top answer

Hi I've added some initial comments in red. Sort out the structure and post up another draft for help with the final version. Why are you using a capital I for the word incentives throughout?

  • Hi I've added some initial comments in red.
  • Sort out the structure and post up another draft for help with the final version.
  • Why are you using a capital I for the word incentives throughout?
  • I write to you to apply for the study course "International Tourism Management".
  • I look at this study as a wide qualification to my present education in the job-training (this part does not make sense) for event manager / IHK.
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1 Answers
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Hi I've added some initial comments in red. Sort out the structure and post up another draft for help with the final version. Why are you using a capital I for the word incentives throughout?

I write to you to apply for the study course "International Tourism Management". I look at this study as a wide qualification to my present educatio

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