I need help with a ap.

So I play on a roleplaying server. I keep getting my aps rejected because of grammar and english writing. They sent me here. Can anyone help?

[deleted - no commercial links, please. -- MM]

I am Maxwell Freewater, thirty seven long years ago, I was brought into this world. I am well built with green eyes, I wear all green and you will see me with a hood. One notable thing you might notice about me is my scar on my lip. I try to act like a helping person, but if you get on my nerves(which is easy) I don't accept you. Enough about me now, let me tell you what I have went through.

I grew up a slave, all I wanted to do is spit on a Xitian watchmen. Dirty Xitians, they did not know the difference between a pig and a Mesalian. I always wanted to rally the others to attempt to escape, but that was impossible and it would just cause more pain. I joined the war and fought for the Xitians when I was 22. It was the only way to keep my skin from being coated with scars, blood and spit.

I learned hand to hand combat and swordsmanship. While in the war I killed and wounded some Lucians, I was like any other solider. I was wounded with a...believe it or not..stick. I was hit in the mouth and I bit my lower lip, it cut open and now I have stitches. After my wound was tended to, I ran away from the healing grounds and went to go find a city where I hadn't recognized any faces.

Eventually all wars end. The buildings left torn apart, with blood coating the outside of the stone. Bodies were just laying there. I wanted to leave and head out for the Forbidden Lands, but there was no way I would leave the remaining survivors that wanted to stay and repair everything. I helped them out for a little while. Being around the surgeons during the war, I roughly cared for the men and women that were wounded, I was 30 at that time. I stayed around for a few more years. I never pursed my goals that I set when I was a slave, such as; learn to read and write, find a mate, and/or have a family. When I was 37 I left for the Forbidden Lands. There weren't many people that had not left for the Forbidden Lands yet, so i decided maybe I could fulfill my goals if I left.

I got on the ship, oh how I was afraid. The water scared me, I did not know how to swim and I did not want to learn how. I became sea-sick soon, and went to the sleeping quarters. I fell to sleep, nauseous, but somewhat cozy. But, then something amazing happened. I woke up glowing a bright blue color, I then saw the color coming in through the cracks in the boards on the ship. I then went to the upper deck to see the most terrifying sight I have seen ever.

There were people on the deck, screaming. Their insides eating them ALIVE. I then felt it too, I fell back and remember hitting my head on a board, then I woke up in the middle of nowhere, with nothing but a camp in front of me.