I need help . Please give comments on my essay . Please mark me , I am going to take the real test in 3 weeks

Question

"SOME PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT MEN AND WOMEN POSSESS DIFFERENT SKILLS. According to them certain jobs are more suitable for men than women. There are also some jobs where women perform better. Do you agree or disagree with this statement ?''

It is always argued that male and female owned distinct skills and there are some particular jobs that suitable for men than women but there are still some occupations that female can outperform male. To a certain extent I agree that there are some jobs that require gender, how ever I also think that some jobs don’t require this aspect.

On the one hand , I would agree that gender is one of the crucial things that some particular job require.For example body guard is a job that requires the power of muscles ,so it is suitable for man than women.For housing aspect women is the best suitable because of their abilities in cooking , cleaning and taking care of babies.Thus, different works needs different gender,so there are some jobs that women perform better than man and there also some jobs that men can do better.

On the other hand, I personally think that there are some job that both male and female can well-perform . For instance, being a doctor require a huge knowledge in medicines , diseases so women can perform excellent compare to men.Or for another example is driver , this occupation needs the flexible in finding ways to take the guess on time so both male and female can take this jobs.For those reasons I believe that there are some jobs that men and women can take part in with the same result.

In conclusion, there is a school of thought that female is suitable for some occupations and so do the men but I personally believe that there are some jobs that both men and women can easily cooperate.

Englishmaven · Accepted Answer

Below is the correction I made for you. Remember to space after a period and not space before a comma. Watch changing from singular to plural. Your verbs must agree with the subjects. Generally, you express yourself rather well. I do say that I don't agree with your assigning cooking and cleaning to women. Men are equally suited for those jobs, and men are great at taking care of babies. For your concerns, the test will be judged on your ability to express yourself, so if you can support what you say, the judges won't care about your opinions, so feel free to say what you think. The readers are looking for fluency of expression, grammar and usage, little more.

It is always argued that males and females possess distinct skills and there are some particular jobs that suitable for men rather than women, but there are still some occupations in which females can outperform males. To a certain extent I agree that there are some jobs that require gender; however, I also think that gender is not a relevant concern for some jobs.

On the one hand , I would agree that gender is one of the crucial things that some particular jobs require. For example, body guard is a job that requires the power of muscles, so it is suitable for men than women. For domestic aspects, women are more suitable because of their abilities in cooking, cleaning, and taking care of babies.Thus, different jobs need different genders, so there are some jobs that women perform better than men and there also some jobs that men can do better.

On the other hand, I personally think that there are some job that both males and females can well-perform well. For instance, being a doctor requires huge knowledge in medicines and diseases so women can perform excellently compared to men. Another example is a driver. This occupation needs the flexibility in finding ways to guess time (?) so both males and females can take this job. For those reasons, I believe that there are some jobs that men and women can take part in with the same result.

In conclusion, there is a school of thought that females are suitable for some occupations while men are more suited for others. I personally believe that there are some jobs that both men and women can easily accomplish.

I need help . Please give comments on my essay . Please mark me , I am going to take the real test in 3 weeks

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