I need help, please!!!

Hello everybody!!

I am applying to a scholarship for doctoral studies in music. I was asked to write two essays. For the first, the directions are: Tell us about yourself including history about yourself, family, hobbies, interests and influences on your life.
I am posting what I wrote and if you could help me with proofreading it would be very helpful!! English is not my native language. Thanks!!

I am the eldest of four children. My parents are both engineers but they like music. Although none of them got a music education, my mom loves singing and my dad plays guitar by ear. We have always been involved at musical activities at church, the place where I first saw a piano. I got so fascinated by the instrument that the pianist suggested my parents to get me music lessons and this is how it all started.
Soon afterwards, my parents bought me a little keyboard for practicing. Besides practicing my piano lesson, I also enjoyed playing by ear and started composing. Later on, I also had violin and marimba lessons, and picked the guitar at home but got stuck to the piano. My parents saw my progress and when they found a good deal they bought me a second-hand instrument, so I could practice piano more seriously. Two of my three siblings also got music lessons when children, but none of them pursued music as a professional career. I chose music and completed my undergrad studies in classical music in Mexico, and six years later I traveled to the US to study a master’s degree and a performer’s certificate in classical music as well.
Besides music, I love traveling and photography and I could say that music supports my hobbies. I traveled to five different places touring with an ensemble and a choir within the last two months and enjoyed the overall experience: sound check, performance, meeting new people, looking around, shooting with my camera and getting along with the team. I also love volunteering at church activities, and recently accompanied Christmas songs at the guitar in a special program and lunch we offered at an alcohol rehab center.
About my job, I hold a part time position at a public university in my hometown. My duties include teaching and accompanying, and last year I was named coordinator of the precollege piano area. I also work for the Consejo Estatal para la Cultura y las Artes as titular pianist for the Chamber choir of Chiapas State. I really enjoy being involved in activities that help to build a better music environment and music education in my region. In addition to my job duties, I conduct a church choir, compose and arrange music and perform with a pop band.
When I see my life in retrospect, I thank God for all the opportunities He gave me. Every place I have been has come with a lesson to learn. From my family I have learned the unity and the hard work since both of my parents came from very low-income families. From my professors I know how to be patient and creative at the time of teaching. From the church I learned about faith and sense of identity. And from the music I learned the most beautiful way to communicate and express without saying a word.