I need help on my personal statement. Will someone please read over mine and tell me what they think? This is my first draft.

Watching my dad lay in a hospital bed in risk of a heart attack was one of the most heartbreaking events of my life. It was one of those situations where control was impossible to obtain. I had no control over what would happen to my father or his failing heart. I had no control over what would happen to my family if my dad passed away. I had to be patient, along with my sisters and my mother.
My dad had always been very strong. He never complained about being sick or even being tired. He was such a hard worker, all with just one priority in mind, his family. It didn’t matter to him if he had to work two jobs or even three, he loved us and as long as his little girls were happy, so was he.
It was at the age of 14 that I realized a parent could only do so much for their children. At this age, I realized my dad wasn’t a super hero, he wasn’t indestructible and he most definitely wasn’t “the man who never cried.” When my oldest sister, who was 17, confessed to my parents about her 4 month pregnancy, everything changed. Everything and everyone. My parents gave us everything we ever needed. They set us up for success hence the confusion we all had when my sister failed to take advantage of my parents hard work. For the first time in my life I witnessed my father cry as he talked to my mother about his disappointment and about how he might have failed to be a father. It crushed my heart to think that my father considered himself a failure. He wasn’t.
It was a matter of time before my dad under came depression. Everything happened so fast. Within a matter of 4 months, my dad became too ill to work two jobs so he only worked one. He began to lose weight and began to complain more and more about the pain he would feel whenever he worked too much. This was all new to me. Never in my life had I witnessed my dad complain about anything. The sudden change of income caused us to lose the car and our home. We had to move houses at least twice until we found something that worked for us. Eventually after so much my dad went though he ended up in a hospital. I remember one of the doctors there told me straight forward one night, “Your dad will suffer from a heart attack tonight, but he’s safe now” They promised to do everything they could to save my dad and they did.
The biggest changes happened my sophomore year at school. It was difficult for me to adapt to the way things were going at home. My grades slowly but surely started to reflect, given that I had always been very hard working. There were concerns about why my grades started to slip. I had to pick up my pace, I had to work harder. It stopped being about myself anymore. I stopped wanting to work hard for myself but rather for my family, but most importantly my dad. I still haven’t forgotten the way my dad looked as he cried to my mother that night. He talked about being a failure, and although I wasn’t supposed to see my father or overhear him that night, I want to prove him wrong. I want to prove to him hes not a failure. He never was. And even though he was on the verge of giving up, he never did. He picked up right where he left off. He overcame his depression, he got up and continued to work for his family.