I need help for the following sentences

Question

Hi to all of you,I am writing an important paper on second language acquisition studies and I need a native speaker of English who would be willing to help me with the following sentences:Is this a correct sentence and if not how would you improve it? (the same applies to whole sentence from 1 to 9 )1. In this book the various national, political, social andgeographical aspirations and the Hungarians' motivation to learn and choose particular foreign languages are being observed.2. What makes this book a positive contribution to the field of secondlanguage learning is the authors' inclusion of new data in the third phase (2004) after the authors' 10- year period of previous studies, extended in this volume by almost 5000 new learners3.Living in a constantly changing society in the era of globalisation,one is struck by the influences of globalization in almost every life aspect.4. . During this 10-year period in Hungary certain languages appear tobe gaining more popularity over others, resulting in a new gradation of insights into the language globalisation and at the same time, challenging its reader by its complex statistical labyrinth. (I assume this is complex. How would you simplify it?)5. The politics in the country are discussed within the framework ofhe foreign language learning situation and light is shed on the situation of tourism and motivation for intercultural contacts.6.Taking into consideration the importance of the socio-psychologicalaspects of second language acquisition, Gardner and his associates (e.g., Gardner, 1988; Gardner & MacIntyre, 1993) developed a model that includes a combination of attitudes toward the target group, defined as integrative motivation, interest in foreign language, and integrative orientation, as a key component of the socio-educational model.7.Chapters 3 and 4 present the general finding of the studies theauthors of this book conducted earlier.8. Additionally, in Chapter 3, the authors examine these motivationalcomponents with their psychometric properties, as well as the various ways of the interactive relations between the language dispositions and their change over time.9. the authors came up with an unexpected result (How would youreplace "CAME UP with"? What is the appropriate word?Thanks a lot and hopefully there will be some natives in here.GreetingsTanja

Usenet · Accepted Answer

(Email Removed) schrieb:
[nq:1]Hi to all of you, I am writing an important paper on second language acquisition studies and I need a ... national, political, social and geographical aspirations and the Hungarians' motivation to learn and choose particular foreign languages are being observed.[/nq]
In this book the various national, political, social and geographical aspirations and the motivation of Hungarians to learn and choose particular foreign languages are being observed.
It is now grammatically OK - but I'm still not certin what you are trying to say - for example. does the possessive "Hungarians" refer only to motivation or does it also refer to aspirations? If the former than I think the whole sentence needs to be rewitten to make that clear.
[nq:1]2. What makes this book a positive contribution to the field of second language learning is the authors' inclusion of new data in the third phase (2004) after the authors' 10- year period of previous studies, extended in this volume by almost 5000 new learners[/nq]
What makes this book a positive contribution to the field of second language learning is the authors' inclusion of new data from the third phase (2004). This extends the previous 10-year study by the authors to include in this volume almost 5000 new learners in this volume.

At least Ithink that's what your trying to say.
[nq:1]3.Living in a constantly changing society in the era of globalisation, one is struck by the influences of globalization in almost every life aspect.[/nq]
Living in a constantly changing society in the era of globalisation, one is struck by the influence of globalization on almost every aspect of life.
[nq:1]4. . During this 10-year period in Hungary certain languages appear to be gaining more popularity over others, resulting in ... same time, challenging its reader by its complex statistical labyrinth. (I assume this is complex. How would you simplify it?)[/nq]
During this 10-year period certain languages appear to have gained more popularity in Hungary than others, ...
I'm not certain what you are trsing to say in the rest of the sentence - or whether the part in parentheses is part of the sentence.
[nq:1]5. The politics in the country are discussed within the framework of he foreign language learning situation and light is shed on the situation of tourism and motivation for intercultural contacts.[/nq]
The politics of the country are discussed within the framework of the foreign language learning situation and light is shed on the situation of tourism and the motivation for intercultural contacts.

I'm not certain that the word "situation" is appropriate in both cases.
[nq:1]6.Taking into consideration the importance of the socio-psychological aspects of second language acquisition, Gardner and his associates (e.g., Gardner, 1988; ... group, defined as integrative motivation, interest in foreign language, and integrative orientation, as a key component of the socio-educational model.[/nq]
This sentence seems to be OK grammatically, although it is written in a ratehr condensed academic style which is rather opaque for non-academics.
[nq:1]7.Chapters 3 and 4 present the general finding of the studies the authors of this book conducted earlier.[/nq]
Chapters 3 and 4 present the general findings of the studies conducted earlier by the authors of this book.
[nq:1]8. Additionally, in Chapter 3, the authors examine these motivational components with their psychometric properties, as well as the various ways of the interactive relations between the language dispositions and their change over time.[/nq]
In addition, in Chapter 3, the authors examine these motivational components with their psychometric properties, as well as the various interactive relations between the language dispositions and their change over time.
I presume the "these" refers to something mentioned immediatesly before this sentence.
[nq:1]9. the authors came up with an unexpected result (How would you replace "CAME UP with"? What is the appropriate word?[/nq]
If you want to emphasise the result I'd rephrase the sentence completely:

One result of the study was unexpected.
You could also use "surprising".
Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

Usenet · Answer

Dear Einde,
Thanks a lot for your effort and help.
Here are my answers:
[nq:1]Angelovs...@googlemail.com schrieb:> Hi to all of you,[/nq]
[nq:2]I am writing an important paper on second language acquisition ... to learn and choose particular foreign languages are being observed.[/nq]
[nq:1]In this book the various national, political, social and geographical aspirations and the motivation of Hungarians to learn and choose ... refer to aspirations? If the former than I think the whole sentence needs to be rewitten to make that clear.[/nq]
It refer only to the degree they were motivated to choose a foreign language to learn and its connection to their geographical preference. For example, if they like to visit Germany for business purposes, then they will choose to learn German instead of French.

Great! Thanks so much.
[nq:2]4. . During this 10-year period in Hungary certain languages ... (I assume this is complex. How would you simplify it?)[/nq]
[nq:1]During this 10-year period certain languages appear to have gained more popularity in Hungary than others, ... I'm not certain what you are trsing to say in the rest of the sentence - or whether the part in parentheses is part of the sentence.[/nq]
By the rest "resulting in .." I want to say that due to the Hungary's EU entrance, the preference of the people to learn a foreign language changed. This resulted in a more complex statistical data that the authors gathered due to the various views of the subjects examined.
How do you think I should change this?
[nq:2]5. The politics in the country are discussed within the ... on the situation of tourism and motivation for intercultural contacts.[/nq]
[nq:1]The politics of the country are discussed within the framework of the foreign language learning situation and light is shed on the situation of tourism and the motivation for intercultural contacts. I'm not certain that the word "situation" is appropriate in both cases.[/nq]
By "situation" I mean the "choice to learn a foreign language" the people are making.
I assume "situation" is not proper, right?
[nq:2]6.Taking into consideration the importance of the socio-psychological aspects of ... integrative orientation, as a key component of the socio-educational model.[/nq]
[nq:1]This sentence seems to be OK grammatically, although it is written in a ratehr condensed academic style which is rather opaque for non-academics.[/nq]
I got a comment that this sentence reads akwardly, so I was wondering how I can edit it?

Yes in the previous sentence I have mentioned some of the components.
[nq:2]9. the authors came up with an unexpected result (How would you replace "CAME UP with"? What is the appropriate word?[/nq]
[nq:1]If you want to emphasise the result I'd rephrase the sentence completely: One result of the study was unexpected. You could also use "surprising".[/nq]
Thanks a lot.

Usenet · Answer

(Email Removed) schrieb:
[nq:2]Angelovs...@googlemail.com schrieb:> Hi to all of you,[/nq]
[nq:2]In this book the various national, political, social and geographical ... whole sentence needs to be rewitten to make that clear.[/nq]
Having thought a bit about your probable intention I'd suggest the following:
In this book various national, political, social and geographical aspirations are examined, as well as the motivation of Hungarians to learn and choose particular foreign languages.

It still feels a bit clumsy. For example: Whose aspirations are we talking about? This is unclear.
[nq:2]During this 10-year period certain languages appear to have gained ... whether the part in parentheses is part of the sentence.[/nq]
[nq:1]By the rest "resulting in .." I want to say that due to the Hungary's EU entrance, the preference of ... the authors gathered due to the various views of the subjects examined. How do you think I should change this?[/nq]
I would break up the sentence. the first sentence is as above. Then I would say:
This has provided new insights into language globalisation. However, it has also made the statistical data more complex and more difficult to interpret.
Is that what you're trying to say?
[nq:2]The politics of the country are discussed within the framework ... certain that the word "situation" is appropriate in both cases.[/nq]
[nq:1]By "situation" I mean the "choice to learn a foreign language" the people are making. I assume "situation" is not proper, right?[/nq]
The politics of the country are discussed in the context of the choice of which foreign language to learn and light is shed on the effects of tourism and the motivation for intercultural contacts.

Is that what you want to say?
[nq:2]This sentence seems to be OK grammatically, although it is written in a ratehr condensed academic style which is rather opaque for non-academics.[/nq]
Perhaps the following might help:
Because of the importance of the social psychological aspects of second language acquisition, Gardner and his associates (e.g. ...) developed a model that includes a combination of attitudes towards the target group - defined as integrative motivation, interest in the foreign language and integrative orientation - as a key component of the socio-educational model.
I've tried to make it less opaque primarily through using punctuation with minor amendments of the language used
I hope that helps some more.
Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

Usenet · Answer

Hi Einde,
thanks again. The final change I did is the following:
[nq:1]Having thought a bit about your probable intention I'd suggest the following: In this book various national, political, social and ... foreign languages. It still feels a bit clumsy. For example: Whose aspirations are we talking about? This is unclear. [/nq]
The various national, political, and social and personal motives of the Hungarians to choose and learn particular foreign languages are observed.
[nq:2]By the rest "resulting in .." I want to say ... subjects examined. How do you think I should change this?[/nq]
[nq:1]I would break up the sentence. the first sentence is as above. Then I would say: This has provided new ... has also made the statistical data more complex and more difficult to interpret. Is that what you're trying to say?[/nq]
I changed it like this:
During this 10-year period in Hungary certain languages appear to have gained more popularity than others. The results of the various language choices create a complex statistical labyrinth that challenges the reader.
[nq:2]By "situation" I mean the "choice to learn a foreign language" the people are making. I assume "situation" is not proper, right?[/nq]
[nq:1]The politics of the country are discussed in the context of the choice of which foreign language to learn and light is shed on the effects of tourism and the motivation for intercultural contacts. Is that what you want to say?[/nq]
My change:
The politics in the country are discussed within the framework of the foreign language learning situation and light is shed on the situation of tourism and motivation for intercultural contacts. But I will take the first part you wrote and change into: The politics in the country are discussed in the context of the choice of which foreign language to learn and light is shed on the situation of tourism and motivation for intercultural contacts.
[nq:1]Perhaps the following might help: Because of the importance of the social psychological aspects of second language acquisition, Gardner and ... of their socio-educational model are: integrative motivation, interest in foreign language, and integrative orientation. I hope that helps some more.[/nq]
It helped a lot! Thanks so much.
[nq:1]Regards, Einde O'CallaghanWhat do you think now?[/nq]
I would like to thank you really really very much. Greetings
Tanja

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Angelovs...@googlemail.com schrieb:[/nq]
[nq:1]The politics of the country are discussed in the context of the choice of which foreign language to learn and ... primarily through using punctuation with minor amendments of the language used I hope that helps some more. Regards, Einde O'Callaghan[/nq]
THANKS SOOO MUCH!!
Greetings
Tanja

Usenet · Answer

(Email Removed) schrieb:
[nq:1]Hi Einde, thanks again. The final change I did is the following:[/nq]
[nq:2]Having thought a bit about your probable intention I'd suggest ... Whose aspirations are we talking about? This is unclear. [/nq]
[nq:1]The various national, political, and social and personal motives of the Hungarians to choose and learn particular foreign languages are observed.[/nq]
Great.
[nq:2]I would break up the sentence. the first sentence is ... difficult to interpret. Is that what you're trying to say?[/nq]
[nq:1]I changed it like this: During this 10-year period in Hungary certain languages appear to have gained more popularity than others. The results of the various language choices create a complex statistical labyrinth that challenges the reader.[/nq]
Much better.

Good.

It's much clearer.
Regards, Einde O'Callaghan

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