I need help for my cover letter! I'm applying to study International Management in University!

Dear Sir:
I am writing to apply for the Bachelor's Degree program in International Management & Business Administration at University of xxx.

I graduated high school in August 2006 with the German Fachhochulreife. After that I participated in an internship for one year in the Maritim Hotel, where I worked in different departments such as personal department, marketing, F&B and accounting. Soon after I conducted the social service for nine months in the cancer center of a hospital. I lived in the United States and took English courses right after the social service for nine months. Since then I am back in Germany and plan on attending university this coming spring.

My father was my first motivation for studying International Business, because he worked as a Hotel Manager in Thailand and when he told me about it I also wanted to work and study International Management. As I mentioned I worked in a hotel and it was very fascinating, especially the accounting, marketing and personal department. I learned a lot and it my decision to study International Business/Management. Since then I focus on this and I can't wait to start, because I have a lot of energy and I am excited. I want to study abroad in order to get in contact with foreigner students and to work with them in teams. I also want to work abroad. I think it is better to make experience around the world instead of staying in one country. I have a lot of friends from different countries and cultures and my mother and my father are also from different countries. I am always impressed by them and I believe that it is beneficial for me to study international. I already started to learn Korean by myself.
I also like mathematics since I am in elementary school and it also was my advanced course in high school. I am interested in business manners, too, for example the stock market, economics and globalization in general. It is interesting how people from different backgrounds interact and help each other. I want to participate/join so badly, I give all I have to achieve my goal, that's why I was in the United States and I even took English classes during my internship and social service.

When I searched your website about informations I became very interested in your university. I can benefit from your program and your university/business school in particular, because of this this and this (good reputation...). You offer a variety of conditions that match with my interests such as yadda yadda (conditions). With a strong foundation and a wide knowledge in international Management gained through the Bachelor's Degree program at your university I am quite confident to pursue an attractive career.
Thank you for considering my request. I am looking forward to your positive request.

Sincerely yours,

Melanie

Which things could I add/write to show why I want to go to a specific university? What kind of things would sound good, but not to general?
Thanks