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Anonymous Posted 15 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

I need help fixing this paragraph

I need help fixing this paragraph for grammer, punctuations and any words that need to be improved for focus!

In our society today you have many problems, like youth violence is one of them. Youth violence is a problem in many of the streets of our nation and we are contributing to the fact that babies are killing babies. Youth violence expresses children into adulthood and can cause damage that is permanent.
  

Top answer

Your main problem is that you have wasted 3 sentences saying what could be said in one sentence. I have underlined some problem areas: In our society today you have many problems , like youth violence is one of them. Youth violence is a problem in many of the streets of our nation and we are contributing to the fact that babies are killing babies .

  • Your main problem is that you have wasted 3 sentences saying what could be said in one sentence.
  • I have underlined some problem areas: In our society today you have many problems , like youth violence is one of them.
  • Youth violence is a problem in many of the streets of our nation and we are contributing to the fact that babies are killing babies .
  • Youth violence expresses children into adulthood and can cause damage that is permanent.
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1 Answers
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Your main problem is that you have wasted 3 sentences saying what could be said in one sentence. I have underlined some problem areas:

In our society today you have many problems, like youth violence is one of them. Youth violence is a problem in many of the streets of our nation and we are contributing to the fact that babies are killing babies. Youth

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