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I will attend a writing test two weeks later. Can anyone help me to correct my writing? My email is Email Removed

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

winniewenyiI will attend a writing test two weeks later. Can anyone help me to correct my writing?

If you post samples of your writing here, we can help you.

Winniewenyi · Answer

I want to say "thank you" first. The following is my writing.

The Internet has provided great benefits, but at the same time it has also created new changes and inequalities. Is it possible to control some of these problems?

The birth of the Internet brings us some advantages as well as disadvantages. The benefits include more convenient and efficient communication, more comfortable and enjoyable life, and more opportunities to learn something useful. But at the same time it has also made new changes and problems, such as prevalence and ubiquitous of fraud, invasion of personal privacy and unequal learning opportunities for poor students. In my opinion, the incidence of these problems can be reduced but solved completely.

Owing to the convenience and high efficiency of the Internet, some people commit crimes through it, especially online fraud. It is not easy for police officers to capture cyber criminals. There are too many websites and chances that criminals may make use of, but there are not enough police officers to supervise every website and online crimes. Therefore, we have to be very careful to make friends and shop online in order to avoid falling into the trap of Internet scam.

The Internet offers us more comfortable and enjoyable lives, such as shopping online, seeing movies online, making friends online, and so on. While we are enjoying the pleasures, we usually provide our personal information unconsciously and then it may easily be seen or used by others. Unless we do not leave any personal information online, our privacy will leak out easily. Accordingly, we had better make sure that the website is safe before we leave personal information.

Distance learning is getting more popular. However, not everyone can afford a computer and the Internet fee. For poor students, they usually cannot learn through the Internet. This may place them in a more disadvantageous situation and they may not compete with other people in getting jobs in the future. Consequently, a government has a duty to take care of them and set up more free computers and free Internet in public locations, such as libraries and community service centers. Besides, a government also has to reduce the Internet fee and make the Internet available to everyone.

In a word, when we enjoy the Internet, we have to do something to keep ourselves safe at the same time. Definitely, the government also has to try its best to make the Internet available to everyone and take measures to protect everyone from being hurt.

Enoon · Answer

Overall, it is good.

winniewenyiThe Internet has provided great benefits, but at the same time it has also created new changes and inequalities.

"Changes" are not necessarily bad, so don't list them with the drawbacks.

winniewenyiThe birth of the Internet brings us some advantages as well as disadvantages. The benefits include more convenient and efficient communication, more comfortable and enjoyable life, and more opportunities to learn something useful.

The birth of the Internet brings us some advantages as well as disadvantages. The advantages include more convenient and efficient communication, a more comfortable and enjoyable life, and more opportunities to learn something useful. To change the word from "advantage" to "benefit" fools nobody. They can tell you were just avoiding repetition, and that is worse than repeating because it is distracting. Stick with the term you have introduced.

winniewenyiBut at the same time it has also made new changes and problems, such as prevalence and ubiquitous of fraud, invasion of personal privacy and unequal learning opportunities for poor students.

But at the same time it has also made new changes and problems, such as widespread fraud, invasion of personal privacy, and unequal learning opportunities for poor students. There's that "changes", again. "Ubiquitous" would have to be "ubiquitousness", and it doesn't really mean that, anyway.

winniewenyiIn my opinion, the incidence of these problems can be reduced but solved completely.

In my opinion, the incidence of these evils can be reduced, but the underlying problems cannot be solved completely. You left out "not", but you said the incidence could not be solved, which is not what you mean.

winniewenyiOwing to the convenience and high efficiency of the Internet, some people commit crimes through it, especially online fraud. It is not easy for police officers to capture cyber criminals. There are too many websites and chances that criminals may make use of, but there are not enough police officers to supervise every website and online crimes. Therefore, we have to be very careful to make friends and shop online in order to avoid falling into the trap of Internet scam.

Owing to the convenience and high efficiency of the Internet, some people commit crimes through it, especially online fraud. It is not easy for police officers to capture cyber criminals. There are too many websites and vulnerabilities that criminals may make use of, and there are not enough police officers to supervise every website and online transaction. Therefore, we have to be very careful to make friends and shop online in such a way as to avoid falling victim to an Internet scam.

winniewenyiThe Internet offers us more comfortable and enjoyable lives, such as shopping online, seeing movies online, making friends online, and so on. While we are enjoying the pleasures, we usually provide our personal information unconsciously and then it may easily be seen or used by others. Unless we do not leave any personal information online, our privacy will leak out easily. Accordingly, we had better make sure that the website is safe before we leave personal information.

The Internet offers us more comfortable and enjoyable lives, providing such luxuries as shopping online, seeing movies online, making friends online, and so on. While we are enjoying ourselves, we can all too easily provide our personal information unconsciously, and then it may be seen or used by others. Unless we do not leave any personal information online, our privacy will leak out. Accordingly, we had better make sure that the website is safe before we leave personal information.

winniewenyiDistance learning is getting more popular. However, not everyone can afford a computer and the Internet fee. For poor students, they usually cannot learn through the Internet. This may place them in a more disadvantageous situation and they may not compete with other people in getting jobs in the future. Consequently, a government has a duty to take care of them and set up more free computers and free Internet in public locations, such as libraries and community service centers. Besides, a government also has to reduce the Internet fee and make the Internet available to everyone.

Distance learning is getting more popular. However, not everyone can afford a computer and the Internet fee. Poor students usually cannot learn through the Internet. This may place them in a disadvantageous situation, and they may not compete well with other people in getting jobs in the future. Consequently, a government has a duty to take care of them and set up more free computers and free Internet in public locations, such as libraries and community service centers. Besides, a government also has to reduce the Internet fee and make the Internet available to everyone.

winniewenyiIn a word, when we enjoy the Internet, we have to do something to keep ourselves safe at the same time. Definitely, the government also has to try its best to make the Internet available to everyone and take measures to protect everyone from being hurt.

In a word, when we enjoy the Internet, we have to do something to keep ourselves safe at the same time. Definitely, the government also has to try its best to make the Internet available to everyone and take measures to protect everyone from being hurt.

Winniewenyi · Answer

enoon,I want to express my gratitude to you for detailed correction. It does help a lot.Winnie

Winniewenyi · Answer

Most education systems rely on examinations to encourage children to study, but as a result children suffer from too much stress and they never learn to be creative. Do you agree that examinations should be abolished?

I disagree that examinations should be abolished even though children might suffer from much stress. There are three aspects I am going to discuss in order to support my opinion. They include teachers’ teaching, students’ learning and children’s creativity.

Aside from teachers, a government also wants to know the results of teachers’ teaching and students’ learning, and examinations play a key role in this situation. As for teachers, examination results offer a basis to improve their teaching and find out low-achievement students and then help these students learn effectively. Moreover, in order to promote teaching performance, some governments even assign budgets to schools according to student examination results. Accordingly, examinations should not be canceled.

Facing stress, managing stress and resolving problems under stress are also skills that children need to learn and acquire. Nowadays, everyone undoubtedly confronts various types of stress in his or her daily life, including at home, at school, or at work. Children cannot avoid the pressure now and in the future. Consequently, in my view, we need to teach them how to deal with the pressure from examinations.

Examinations do not decrease children’s creativity. Although I agree that teachers keep on examining students, I do not agree that teachers give too many examinations to students. Besides, I believe that a good test can inspire students’ creativity. As long as teachers are very careful to design the content of examinations, they can still inspire students’ creativity. Therefore, giving examinations does not harm children’s creativity.

All in all, examinations are essential in teachers’ teaching, children’s learning and creativity. I insist that we should not abolish examinations at all.

Enoon · Answer

winniewenyiMost education systems rely on examinations to encourage children to study, but as a result children suffer from too m

Please start a new thread.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Hi winnie;
enoon gives you some good advice; start a new thread so others can help you too. It is a good essay, and I have only one suggestion. Your second paragraph needs a more logical flow.

a ) Teachers view:
As for teachers, examination results offer a basis to improve their teaching and find out low-achievement students and then help these students learn effectively.
.
b) Governments view:
Aside from teachers, a government also wants to know the results of teachers’ teaching and students’ learning, and examinations play a key role in this situation. Moreover, in order to promote teaching performance, some governments even assign budgets to schools according to student examination results. Accordingly, examinations should not be canceled. (You might argue for standardized tests, so that results can be compared across different schools)

Winniewenyi · Answer

Thank you. I have already started a new thread.

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