I need feedbacks on my essay- IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - CHILDREN HEALTH

In many countries, children are becoming overweight and unhealthy. Some people think that the government should have the responsibility. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent year, the prevalence of unfit and overweight children has significantly risen a big concern about the overall health in society. While people are widely argued that the authorities should take the full responsibility on this phenomenon, I believe parents and schools also play a vital role in dealing with this issue.

To begin with, the government should be the one in charge due to their strong influence for media censorship and law enforcement. The authorities should impose a stricter legislation on the processed food by increasing the taxes, therefore; the costs of the products will rise. This will lead to a much less demand and consumption of unhealthy beverages. In addition, by effectively managing TV advertisements, they are able to indirectly discourage the young on consuming the high-calorie diet. For example, in the UK, there has been law getting into effect since 2017 about banning on junk foods and soft drinks advertisement before 9p.m. And it is true that the force have created the positive impacts on the children under 10 years old proved by the recent downward trend of the overweight children data from UK National Health Research Institute. Secondly, it is the government's duties to raise awareness among the people, especially the parents by conducting official conferences and special programs concentrated on nutrition and healthy diet for the children. By this way, people are likely to give more attention to their offspring's diet and take action to protect their beloved children from illnesses.

On the other hand, parents and schools should seriously manage the children's lifestyles and help them to keep a healthy habit. The main reasons for the upward trend of childhood obesity is that the pupils normally lack of physical exercise as nowadays they enjoy sitting at home playing the video games and using computers more than the exhausting and sweating activities. So along with a balanced diet, physical education sessions should be held more frequently by the school for their young students to keep fit and stay healthy. Moreover, by executing a healthy habits, the adults can be a role model for their babies.

In conclusion, in order to maintain the lowest rate on the child's diet-based diseases, not only the government, but also the parents and schools should take into actions.