I need emergency help

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This is an emergency I have to finish this. I am trying to translate my old term paper, but it is not easy, and I began to make mistakes because I am very tired. If there is a huge grammatical mistake please correct, otherwise don't bother yourself. Please help me. Thanks! Untill now, I translated that;

CalifJim · Accepted Answer

kikimaThis is an emergency

So it seems!

First of all, change all instances of serie to series. serie is not a word in English! Even the singular form has a final s.

Then, everywhere you have "name of ...", change it to "titled ..." or "named ...".

Change "passage section" to "transitional section". (I think that's what you mean.)

"tutti accord" is wrong. Just "tutti" or "tutti chord" is probably what you mean.

"after this", not "behind this".

"untransposed", not "un- transposed".

"gradually disappears", not "is gradually disappeared".
____

You'll have to make all these changes and present the result again before we can fix up the rest, because we're not going to rewrite the whole thing for you!

CJ

Kikima · Answer

Perfect! This is what I want

. Thank you very much.

Here is the correction:

Lutoslawski completed “Musique Funébre” in 1958 that he composed in memoriam of Bela Bartok. Twelve tone music and mutated tonal music are used together in the music. There are four main sections : 1.Prolog, 2.Metamorfoses, 3.Apogee, 4.Monolog. In the first section, titled ‘Prolog’, diminished fifth and minor seconds comes one after another and generate the main series. Dotted whole notes, whole notes and half notes are main rhythmical components of this slow section. In the second section, titled ‘Metamorfoses’, from half notes to sixteenth notes a rhythmical tension and transformation can be observed. The third section, titled ‘Apogee’ is formed as a transitional section, and the tutti chord that orchestra played become unison and so the third sections links to fourth section. In the fourth section, titled ‘Epilog’, a similar series and rhythmical construction, which we heard in the first section, appear and formed.

1.Prolog:

The solo first violoncello begins and plays of the prime of the main series (Ex. 1a). After this, the same series comes from augmented fourth up on the second violoncello (Ex.1a Transposed Series). When the transposed and untransposed seriess horizontally divided two notes groups, it becomes appear that, the transposed and untransposed seriess intersects each other with same two notes(Ex. 1b).

The transposed series that comes on second violoncello appears in various forms through the piece.
Ex.1a

The Series

Transposed Series

Ex. 1b Comparison of two seriess overlap

Another remarkable point at the beginning of this section is that the twelve note seriess that mentioned above overlaps each other and so some unison, fourth, fifth and octave intervals occur. These intervals make an indistinct modal impression (Ex. 2). Along the section, diverse perfect fourths and fifths cover this impact, then diminished fifths are added on. Thus this modal impression gradually disappears by additional intervals(Ex.3).

CalifJim · Answer

Lutoslawski completed “Musique Funébre” in 1958 ~~that he composed in memoriam~~ and dedicated it to the memoryof Bela Bartok. Twelve tone ~~music~~ techniques and ~~mutated~~ modified ~~tonal music~~ tonality are used together in the music. There are four main sections : ~~1.Prolog, 2.Metamorfoses, 3.Apogee, 4.Monolog.~~ Prologue, Metamorphoses, Apogee, and Epilogue. In the first section, titled ‘Prologue’, diminished fifth and minor seconds ~~comes one after~~ succeed one another ~~and~~ to generate the main series. Dotted whole notes, whole notes and half notes are the main rhythmical components of this slow section. In the second section, titled ‘Metamorphoses’, with the use of values from half notes to sixteenth notes a rhythmical tension and transformation can be observed. The third section, titled ‘Apogee’ i~~s formed~~ serves as a transitional section, and the tutti chord that the orchestra playsed becomes a unison, and so the third sections links to the fourth section. In the fourth section, titled ‘Epilogue’, a ~~similar~~ series and rhythmical construction~~, which we~~ similar to that heard in the first section, appears ~~and formed~~. [Take out those two commas.]

1.Prolog:

The solo first violoncello begins ~~and plays of~~ with the prime of the main series (Ex. 1a). After this, the same series ~~comes from~~ repeats an augmented fourth up on the second violoncello (Ex.1a Transposed Series). When the transposed and untransposed ~~seriess~~ series are horizontally divided into two-notes groups, it becomes ~~appear~~ apparent that, the transposed and untransposed ~~seriess~~ series intersects with each other with same two notes(Ex. 1b). [Take out that comma.]

The transposed series ~~that comes on~~ in the second violoncello (part) appears in various forms through the piece.
Ex.1a [part is optional.]
The Series

Transposed Series

Ex. 1b Comparison of two ~~seriess~~ series overlap

Another remarkable point at the beginning of this section is that the two twelve-note ~~seriess~~ series ~~that~~ mentioned above overlaps each other, and so some unisons, fourths, fifths and octaves ~~intervals~~ occur. These intervals make an indistinct modal impression (Ex. 2). ~~Along~~ Throughout the section, ~~diverse~~ various perfect fourths and fifths cover this impact, then diminished fifths are added on. Thus this modal impression gradually disappears by with additional intervals(Ex.3).

[You may spell Prologue and Epilogue without the final ue if you wish, but be consistent throughout the entire paper.]

It's not perfect yet, but these changes might help.

We haven't even started talking about the meaning of what you're saying. I can't catch all the problems in one scan, so there may be more to do.

CJ

Kikima · Answer

You're really wonderful CJ!

-I have no idea what you mean by "cover this impact". Can you reword it?-

I mean...mmm... that previous modal impression becomes hard to hear, because it is covered (it is hidden) by additional intervals. Could I explaine? =?

Then, yes, not saying -ue- at the ends of the words is a good suggesstion, but they are names of these compositions. So the composer named them like this, I think I better to keep them.

Regarding what I am saying, ask anything please. When I try to explaine what I mean I usually find a better way to say.

I am not so fast as you are but here is the new part:

Untill this disappearance it can be observed that frequent usage of octave plus fifth intervals which are resemble of the first three harmonics (Ex. 4a – 10th measure – 1st time / Ex. 4b – 7th measure – 2nd time / Ex. 4c – 16th measure – 3rd time)

Ex. 4a Ex. 4b Ex. 4c

There is a big orchestra crescendo along to section. The section begins with P dynamic, and within every additional instruments dynamic increases: In the sixth measure with the first viola mp, in the eleventh measure with second and third violas mf, in the sixteenth measure with third and fourth violins quasi f, in the twentieth measure with first and second violins f, and in the thirtieth and thirty first measures with tutti ff.

From beginning of the twenty-ninth measure, the fa and si notes, which formed the main series, circulate to the whole orchestra. In the thirty-third measure all of them unify in fa. After that unification, in the thirty-third measure, the main series and the transposed series enter canonically.

CalifJim · Answer

kikimanew part

New part??? I thought that was the whole thing. I don't know how much more time I have to devote to this!!! How many more parts do you have?

___________

Use "lessen" instead of "cover" (with "the impact").
_______

Untill this disappearance ~~it can be observed that~~ frequent usage of octave plus fifth intervals [two notes in twelfths? or three notes, the second note an octave above the first -- another a fifth above the second?] which are resemble of the first three harmonics (Ex. 4a – 10th measure – 1st time / Ex. 4b – 7th measure – 2nd time / Ex. 4c – 16th measure – 3rd time)
[We'll need to revise this part (above) a little more later.]

Ex. 4a Ex. 4b Ex. 4c

There is a big orchestral crescendo ~~along to~~ in this section. The section begins with a P dynamic marking, and ~~within every~~ with each additional instruments the dynamic level increases: In the sixth measure with the first viola mp, in the eleventh measure with second and third violas mf, in the sixteenth measure with third and fourth violins quasi f, in the twentieth measure with first and second violins f, and in the thirtieth and thirty first measures with tutti ff.

From beginning of the twenty-ninth measure, the ~~fa and si notes,~~ F and B which formed the main series, circulate to the whole orchestra. In the thirty-third measure all of them unify ~~in fa.~~ on F. After that unification, in the thirty-third measure, the main series and the transposed series enter canonically. [Take out the comma I have struck out.]

CJ

I need to break for dinner. Do what you can and I'll get back to this later. Put the whole thing together in one post so we can check it for continuity.

Kikima · Answer

Dear CJ,

indeed you don't have to devote yourself to this. Untill now you made a great thing for me. Enjoy your dinner.

I guess you know something about music, do you? There are three notes in twelfths, they are the first three harmonics. For instance first one is C, second one is C from higher octave and G from fifth high of second C.

In Istanbul a flock of seagulls began to caw a minute ago. My back is turned to window, I don't see out side, but I know that the sun is going to rise in an hour, and the old city is going to awake anon.

CalifJim · Answer

kikimaI guess you know something about music, do you?

Yes. I have a doctorate in music from Indiana University.

But I'm living in California now.

By coincidence, I was just reading something that mentioned Lutoslawski last night!

You're in Istanbul and writing a paper in English? Why in English?

Are you supposed to use the American system (F, G, A, ...) or the European (fa, sol, la, ...) for designating pitches?

Have you been working on this all night? You should have planned ahead a little better and started earlier!

CJ

Kikima · Answer

Then the *** suppose to be sent you to me! I am a composer and choir conductor. This was one of my old term papers, I wrote it when I was going on master's degree. Now, I want to apply some schools in Canada an US for doctorate. Actually I did. I began to learn English about two years ago by myself. You saw, I could go forward just like that. Actually in Turkey we use European system for notation. I think I should get used to American system.

You are right I could have planned better. Belive me this happened like that but not because of me. The last two-three months were incredibly busy. California is a beautiful place to live isn't it? Do you work on music at there?

CalifJim · Answer

kikimaCalifornia is a beautiful place to live isn't it? Do you work on music at there?

Yes, I love living here. I don't work in the field of music anymore, no, except to do a little composing on my own now and then. I used to teach music history and theory.

Good luck on your application for the doctorate. I hope you are accepted at a good school.

Post your latest revised version if you wish, and I'll take another look at it.

CJ

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