I miss you. Miss you a lot.

Question

In our culture the sentences like "I miss you." or "Miss you a lot." are usually used between family members or same-sex friends. If a female says or wites "I miss you" to a male friend, it would be considered there is a sort of girlfriend-boyfriend relationship between them. What is the situation in English? If a Chinese girl writes "Miss you a lot" (in English) to, say, an English male friend (not her boyfriend), would a native English speaker think that she is writing to her boyfriend? Or would the English male friend think, "What? Does she consider me her boyfriend now?"

Dear native speakers, please explain.

An Asian.

Doll · Accepted Answer

Oh no! I hope they don't think so because I tell I love you, miss you or you are the man on my heart to male gurus here! Of course I don't mean that I am in love with them!

Osee · Answer

It depends. If someone write me that way, especially using "miss you a lot," I might think she has kind of crush on me.

Anyway, if you do not feel safe to say that to a guy, then change it another way. There are tons of ways to express friendship.

An AsianIn our culture the sentences like "I miss you." or "Miss you a lot." are usually used between family members or same-*** friends. If a female says or wites "I miss you" to a male friend, it would be considered there is a sort of girlfriend-boyfriend relationship between them. What is the situation in English? If a Chinese girl writes "Miss you a lot" (in English) to, say, an English male friend (not her boyfriend), would a native English speaker think that she is writing to her boyfriend? Or would the English male friend think, "What? Does she consider me her boyfriend now?"

Dear native speakers, please explain.

An Asian.

Osee · Answer

It seems that English people usually do not say I love you to the opposite-*** friends because it makes thing complicated and obscure. "I like you" is more suitable.

If a girl often says "I love you" to male guys, we will make joke to call her "public lover"

.

DollOh no! I hope they don't think so because I tell I love you, miss you or you are the man on my heart to male gurus here! Of course I don't mean that I am in love with them!

An Asian · Answer

Thanks Osee.

I can understand what Doll said. I believe the male gurus here wouldn't take her seriously when she excitedly tells them those things just because they have given her excellent answers to her questions.

However, suppose Doll is not a native teacher, teaching English in Turkey, but a 25-year-old beautiful Turkish girl, not speaking English very well. Doll worked for the 60-year-old Mister Micawber (sory, you're not that old. I just guess your age from your avatar) somehow in Japan for 3, 4 years in the past. They were very close friends, seeing each other almost everyday, going out together, having dinner together, taking care of each other when one falls sick and so forth. But they remained just friends, because of the age gap. Now Doll is in Istanbul, Mister Micawber is in Yokohama. They exchange SMS or email once in a while. Every time Doll writes "I miss you", " Miss you a lot". Doll probably doesn't mean what she writes, but would Mister Micawber (the native speaker) think she is not joking, or her English is not good enough to find some other more appropriate sentences/phrases to express herself?.

By the way, Osee, can you give some examples of how to say properly between opposite-*** friends things like "I keep thinking of you. I always remember the time we were together, and wish to see you again"..., without causing eyebrows raised?

Thanks again.

An Asian.

Marius Hancu · Answer

OseeIt seems that English people usually do not say I love you to the opposite-*** friends because it makes thing complicated and obscure. "I like you" is more suitable.
"To love" is much stronger than "to like." One probably likes many people, but loves very few.

Osee · Answer

Your question is like "saving Mother or Father" question. It depents on you. If you do not want to make your relation with that guy towards love, using safe, sutitable and "non-flirting" language; if not, then use what you like to "flirt" -- that's one of the ways how people find lovers, right?

By the way, I am not a native speaker.

An AsianThanks Osee.

I can understand what Doll said. I believe the male gurus here wouldn't take her seriously when she excitedly tells them those things just because they have given her excellent answers to her questions.

However, suppose Doll is not a native teacher, teaching English in Turkey, but a 25-year-old beautiful Turkish girl, not speaking English very well. Doll worked for the 60-year-old Mister Micawber (sory, you're not that old. I just guess your age from your avatar) somehow in Japan for 3, 4 years in the past. They were very close friends, seeing each other almost everyday, going out together, having dinner together, taking care of each other when one falls sick and so forth. But they remained just friends, because of the age gap. Now Doll is in Istanbul, Mister Micawber is in Yokohama. They exchange SMS or email once in a while. Every time Doll writes "I miss you", " Miss you a lot". Doll probably doesn't mean what she writes, but would Mister Micawber (the native speaker) think she is not joking, or her English is not good enough to find some other more appropriate sentences/phrases to express herself?.

By the way, Osee, can you give some examples of how to say properly between opposite-*** friends things like "I keep thinking of you. I always remember the time we were together, and wish to see you again"..., without causing eyebrows raised?

Thanks again.

An Asian.

An Asian · Answer

Hi Osee,

I don't understand what "saving Mother or Father question" means. It interests me to know and learn a new (to me) idiom. From what you've said I understand that, as a non-native speaker, you perceive the "I miss you... miss you a lot" do have "flirting" implication/connotation. That's exactly the same as my interpretation.

To make things a bit clearer, I am not the Chinese or Turkish girl in question, wanting or not-wanting to "make relation" with anybody. I am a male Asian guy, learning English, seeking the true meaning and use of the English verb "TO MISS" in sentences like "I miss you", "Miss you a lot", especially when used between opposite-*** friends. Those friends know clearly they can't go any further than "just friends". So is the use of these sentences in their correspondence wrong or OK?

Doll's reply is interesting. Don't know if she is a native or not.

Opinions from native speakers are appreciated.

Thank you, Osee, for your replies.

Doll · Answer

Hello Osee, I am not a native speaker.Fortunately, our instructors saw the imminent disaster and decided to give us pragmatics lesson this year. In this lesson, we learn how to use language in real context. If I had had this lesson before, I wouldn't have told them "I love you."

BarbaraPA · Answer

I have male friends and I do say "I miss you" to them, but there are not many that fall into that category. But it's perfectly normal to say "I miss our chats" or "I miss our fun lunches" or "I miss your interesting, late-night conversations at the diner" or whatever.

An Asian · Answer

Hi GG,

I've been waiting for you, Nona the Brit, Khoff, Yankee and other female native speakers to share your thinking. It'll be really interesting to hear from Mister Micawber (I am sorry again, MM. You're not that old

), MrPedantic, Clive, CalifJim and other male native speakers. I have always been admiring the witty answers from all of you in this forum, especially when it requires intuitive reflexes of a native speaker.

GG, thank you for revealing "there are not many that fall into that category", and for giving examples of some "perfectly normal" sayings to opposite-*** friends using the verb "to miss". I will deduce that it is NOT "perfectly normal" to say/write "I miss you, miss you a lot..." to those "not many". Can I?

I miss you. Miss you a lot.

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