I just get a low score in WRITING tests IELTS, so please help me

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree?

It is believed that enormous young people work for volunteer programs can give a rise to benefit not only for individuals but also for society. In my opinion, however, I would strongly disagree with this idea because of some compelling reasons.

In recent days, in the light of the development in society and knowledge of mankind, the students are forced to spend more time on studying at school and doing homework at home that make them do not have enough time for relaxing. Instead of obligating the youngsters to work for a society program regardless of payment, parents should encourage their kids to spend time on doing sports and other activities in their spare time. As a result, the young individuals are able to balance the time between studying and relaxing that can help them to be in full mood to study lessons in the next day at school.

At the same time, even if the authorities force the young individuals to do volunteer work, it cannot gain as many benefits as they expect. Instead, government can launch some donation events in an effort to raise awareness of all-aged group to do volunteer .An event which suitable for everyone, for instance, is held to call for money contribution of society in order to improve country’s budget. From there, the more money people donate, the more money country use for charity purpose. As a consequent, there is likely to be a huge amount of money for the authorities to use for repairing, constructing, maintaining roads, streets, buildings, hospital and schools.

In conclusion, although unpaid work can be considered as a good activity, in my opinion, there are several other measures to bring benefits for both individuals and public.

Many thanks