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“No More”
By:

Being the youngest child in a household can be both a blessing and a curse. I have been fortunate to have had both. I was fortunate to have a sister that loved me unconditionally and unfortunate to have one that hated my very being.

Growing up in a poor household, meant sacrifices had to be made. My mom was a domestic worker with eight kids and my dad was an occasional visitor. Without the means to take care of all of us, she felt her only recourse was to split us up between other family members. My brother Roy, my sister Pat and I were fortunate to be the ones that were raised by her. It was much later that my brother Lorenza moved to Bounty Hall, Trelawney, where we lived, he didn't live with us but was close enough for me to visit on the rare occasion I didn't get what I want. He was always happy to oblige. My sister Pat took me with her everywhere she went. Her friends always teased her that I was her handbag; she couldn't leave home without me. Unfortunately she and my mom didn't get along very well and she eventually decided that she was through taking orders and left home. At the time I thought that this was the worst thing ever to happen to me. I felt betrayed and let down and as if my world was ending (I was an overly dramatic child with an overactive imagination). I couldn't understand how she could she just leave me like that. The hardest part was we had no idea where she was and when she was coming back. Everyday I prayed that this would be the day she finally came back home to me. We didn't see her again for six years. I wanted a sister I could hang out and do things with, I needed my big sister.

Be careful what you wish for. When my mom told me that my sister Juliet and my brother Clive was coming to live with us excited was not even a close enough description to how I felt. Although it could also have something to do with the fact that I thought I’d have another sister to spoil me. I did not remember much about them so it was like getting a new brother and sister, except they were older and I’d still be the baby of the family. That was very important to me. Did I mention I was a spoiled kid? Everyday for two weeks, that’s all I talked about. Finally on the day, first thing in the morning I did all my chores and with nothing else to do except annoy my mom ever so often with "is she here yet?" "When is she coming?" I Couldn’t for the life of me contain my excitement. The first time I saw her, the first time she saw me. I was standing on the side of the street with my friends, I couldn't tell for sure that it was her but we lived in a small town where everyone knew each other. I saw a girl that looked just like me, it had to be her. I was too shy to talk to her so I whispered to my friends "that's my sister", they called her to ask her if it was true, her exact words were, and I will never forget "there is no way someone so ugly could be my sister". That was the prelude to years of torture and humiliation.

My sister decided that it would be her sole purpose in life to make me as miserable as she possibly could. Later we found out that my great grandmother abused her and my brother. She seldom went to school and at eighteen years old was only able to read and comprehend at a first grade level. My great grandmother kept her from school, physically and verbally abused her. She was a very angry person and blamed me that I got to stay with mom while she was left with my "evil great grandmother". Even though I had nothing to do with the decision for her to go there, I was the youngest and the only one she could take her frustration out on, so she did so with much pleasure. I felt trapped, if I told my mom, she'd get mad and beat me, if I didn't, she was never going to stop.

I was thirteen when I decided I'd had enough. As usual, mom left for work and she wanted me to do all her chores. If I didn't do it good or fast enough, she'd beat me. She'd gotten very good at not leaving marks on my body. Like the time she burnt me with the iron because I burnt the cabbage. I had plans to go the mobile library; it only came to our town twice every month. If I didn't go today I’d have to wait two weeks. It was important to me and I didn't want to miss it. I was halfway through doing the floors when I stopped; I was tired of being scared. I remember talking myself out of it so many times, but each time I thought about it only made me more upset. When I finally got up enough courage I was too through. She came over to me with her 'have you lost your mind' look. Suddenly she was like a stranger to me. There was no way, this person in front of me was related to me, she was angry, mean and spiteful and I would not take any more of it. She raised her hand to hit me and I smacked her so hard I scared myself. Every time she ever said something mean, Every time she ever hit me, everything she ever did to me fueled that slap. I didn't care what happened next, she was either going to leave me alone or we were going to fight. Either way today was going to be the last day she pushed me around. I saw the shocked look in her eyes, the disbelief that I had dared, but she saw the determination in mine. If she tried, the end result would not be the same. No more!

"A "no" uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or worse to avoid conflict. Mahatma Gandhi.” The day I said No was the pivotal moment in my life that shaped the best part of me, the part I am most proud of, my strength and determination. My circumstances do not determine who I am or become, I do!