I hope someone will fix my ielts task 2, even my ideas, thank you so much

Question

Topic: Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In the modern world, the issue of children s independence has been a controversial and constantly disputed subject. Therefore, there have been endless agreements about whether parents should allow their children to take responsibility about problems affecting them or not. While there are some benefits in the first option, I would argue that it is better to choose the second one.

On one hand, it is possible to make children become selfish when allowing them to do their own choices. By all means, children don’t have any instructions, they will be easily involved lots of bad things. As a result, it will make them not only become selfish but also have bad impacts on other people and society. For instance, criminals often suffer bad experience when they were kids, they didn’t have parents s care, guilines. Consequently, they do anything as long as they like and gradually commit a crime.

On the other hand, it is imperative that children make decisions independently. It will make children do lots of researches before making a decision. Though they will meet some difficulties at the beginning which will give them more experience to learn, they will manage to overcome it. Finally, thanks to these experience, they will make less mistakes and achieve their goals without any challenges. Besides, the independence will also increase the confidence in each child which will definitely help them in the future.

In my point of view, let children do things whatever they like definitely will have a great impact on children. But parents do need to guide them so that they know what should they do or don’t do.

i hope someone will fix my ielts task 2, even my ideas, thank you so much for fixing my mistakes.

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Essays should be posted here in our Essay Writing forum, not in our Grammar forum.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You are having some difficulty with this essay. You are being far too general and abstract. Here are some ideas for you to consider.

You are a young person, but you used to be a child, right? Think about what freedoms do you have. What age were you when your parents gave you permission for each of those freedoms?

Here are some examples of independence and freedoms.

1. Does you mother tell you what to wear every day or do you get to choose what outfit you will wear? Do you do a lot of research to pick out what to wear every day? Does picking out your clothing make you selfish?

2. If you are a girl, does your mother let you wear make-up or forbid it? Does she tell you how to wear your hair?

3. Does your mother tell you when to go to bed, when to wake up and when and what to eat every day?

4. When you go shopping for new clothes, does your mother pick out all the items for you? If you had the choice of clothes to buy, would that make you selfish?

5. Does your mother or father control your use of technology, such as forbidding you to use a cell phone for texting or playing computer games, or visiting certain web sites like Facebook? Do you think that parents should carefully control this?

How much control should parents have over the daily lives of their children? What about children who are 3 years old, or 7 years old, or teenagers? Were you happy with the choices your parents made for you and your brothers and sisters?

I hope someone will fix my ielts task 2, even my ideas, thank you so much

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