I have practiced writing for ielts test. Cam you help me to review it and give me some feedback. Thank you so much.

Question

Some people think that people who choose a job early and keep doing it are more likely to get a satisfying career life than those who frequently change jobs To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is thought that people who pursue a career path early are more likely to have a sense of job satisfaction than career switchers. While I totally agree that employers who pursue one consistent field may lead to career advancement, I also believe that those who move to a different workplace have access to more growth opportunities.

There are several compelling reasons why people who keep doing one job may acquire job satisfaction. Principally, the workers have the responsibility to do the same tasks, so they have the capacity to gain experience and build professional skill. They can move up the career ladder and increase their labor productivity as well. In addition, people are capable of showing their loyalty and earning colleague’s trust which helps them build a strong relationship with colleagues. By working in an unchanged environment, they do not be under intense pressure and feel comfortable to go to work as well.

On the other hand, changing jobs seems to be more suitable for some individuals who want to have more experiences. Primarily, students will acquire a diverse range of essential skills. There are a number of students who do not know exactly what job they want to pursue, so exploring different career paths plays an integral role for their future. By changing various works, they tend to have many opportunities to explore themself as well as recognizing their passion. Moreover, changing to another workplace can foster the expansion of one’s professional network. People can enhance relationships with a wide range of people. By doing so, they can build diverse connections that can support their future professional prospects.

In conclusion, I agree that both approaches also have distinct advantages and challenges that can lead to a rewarding career as well as deserving a suitable job.

Khanh · Accepted Answer

I am sorry for my wrong spelling. I don't know how to correct once I pressed send button.

Can you help me with my ielts writing task 2, please? Thank you so much.

Noah · Answer

Hey! I think your essay does a great job of covering both sides of the argument. You've clearly put a lot of thought into it, and it shows! That said, there are a few spots where you could make things clearer or tighten up your wording.

Introduction:

Your introduction sets up the essay nicely, but you might want to make it a bit more concise. For example, instead of saying, “It is thought that people who pursue a career path early are more likely to have a sense of job satisfaction than career switchers,” you could say something like, “Some believe that those who choose a career early are more likely to find job satisfaction than those who switch jobs frequently.”

Body Paragraph 1:

You’ve got some strong points here about the benefits of sticking with one job. To make it even clearer, you could rephrase a bit. For instance, instead of saying, “the workers have the responsibility to do the same tasks, so they have the capacity to gain experience and build professional skill,” you could say, “By consistently doing the same tasks, workers can gain experience and develop specialized skills.”

Also, the line “they do not be under intense pressure” could be clearer if you said something like, “They’re less likely to face intense pressure and can feel more comfortable in their work environment.”

Body Paragraph 2:

Your second paragraph on job switching is really good and covers the advantages well. Maybe tweak the first line to flow better, like, “Firstly, changing jobs allows individuals to gain a diverse range of essential skills.”

And when you talk about exploring different fields, you could say, “They get to explore different fields and discover what truly excites them,” which feels a bit more natural.

Conclusion:

Your conclusion wraps things up nicely, but you might want to bring it back to the question a bit more. Maybe something like, “In conclusion, both sticking with one job and changing careers have their own perks and challenges. It really depends on what someone’s looking for in their career.”

Final Thoughts:

Overall, you’ve written a solid essay with well-thought-out points. Just a few tweaks here and there will make it even stronger. Keep it up, you’re doing great!

I have practiced writing for ielts test. Cam you help me to review it and give me some feedback. Thank you so much.

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