I have just written task 2 essay. Can you give me some feedbacks?

Nowadays animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reasons? What solutions to sovle the issue?

It is true that in recent years, because of human activities, there is an alarming increase in the loss of rare animal species. There are numerous reasons for this phenomenon, and several solutions should be proposed to deal with the problem.

There are many reasons why the increase in endangered animals number is due to human activities. On land, the desforestation is on the rise to make room for more living space, which is mainly because of the increasing population. Therefore, many animals whose habitat is forest are at risk of extinction due to habitat destruction. With marine ecosystem, toxic sewage is discharged directly from manufacturing plants or households into the sea, so water pollution is inevitable. For example, Formosa, a steel producing company, released liquid waste into the sea in the centre of Vietnam in the past, leading to massive deaths of fishes.

Some effective measures need to be taken to increase animal preservation. Firstly, the government can impose more severe punishments for any harmful activities to forests, which is home for many animals on land. If a heavy fine or even prison sentence is applied for devastating behaviors such as deforesting, the life of many endangered animals will be conserved. Secondly, they should invest more money in upgrading pollution treatment system to clean sewage before dumping it into rivers or oceans. Finally, from an educational standpoint, school subjects like biology should be taught and learnt following a more humane approach, which would need to focus on developing students' love and respect for animals in the broadest sense of the term, taking the importance of mutualism account.

In conclusion, it is clear that there are various reasons for the extinction of many rare animal species, urgent measures need to be taken to tackle this problem.