I have an Writing Essay. Please review to me. Many thanks !

Question

Nowadays, many students want to take a part-time job. What are advantages and disadvantages of taking a part-time jobs?In the day and age, the career market have more and more popular to everyone. It is commonly believed that a large number of student would like to have a part-time job.This essay will discuss pros and cons of this trend.There are plenty of benefits of having a part-time job. The most important merit is that the part-time job helps students earn money, they completly could afford to buy anything for private daily needs. Especially for students who are living far away their hometown, they even do not need the financial support from their parents to pay for accomodations, food, entertaiments etc. In addition, a part-time job helps student achieve work experience for the future. This is because they have to face to various difficult in work and they could learn some valuable lessons from that. Moreover, interactive skills also will develop, strengths and weaknesses are discovering and improving.Nevertheles, there are several problems associated with teenagers working while studying. The first obvious disadvantages is that it could adversely affect to the quality of education. For instance, they spend too much time for jobs, after long working hours they feel fatigue or exhaust and do not want to sit at the desk to learn. Secondly, the part-time job environment is often not professional and safe, some students want to make money quickly which can put them at the risk of being defrauded.To conclude, there are definitely many advantages and disadvantages of having a part-time job for the student.  (250 words)

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You make a lot of comma splice errors. You will lose points for this.

Here is a video on this error and how to fix it.

Also, you wrote 250 words. This is the bare minimum. You should target to write about 275 words to be on the safe side. There are many other problems in your essay.

In the day and age, the career market have more and more popular to everyone. (That makes no sense. I don't know what you mean or how it relates to the topic.) It is commonly believed that a large number of student (one person?) would like to have a part-time job.~~This essay will discuss pros and cons of this trend.~~

Do not mention your essay. Write a thesis statement. The thesis statement is the main point of your essay.

Here is an example for this topic:

Students get a lot of pride and self confidence when they work part time, earning some spending money for themselves. But it can take time away from other activities.

There are plenty of benefits of having a part-time job. The most important merit is that the part-time job helps students earn money, (comma splice error) they completly could afford to buy anything for private daily needs. Especially for students who are living far away their hometown, they even do not need the financial support from their parents to pay for accomodations, (wrong form) food, entertaiments (wrong form) etc. (Do not use ellipses, "etc." or phrases like "and so on" in formal essays.) In addition, a part-time job helps student (one person?) achieve work experience for the future. This is because they have to face to various difficult (wrong form) in work and they could learn some valuable lessons from that. Moreover, interactive (wrong word) skills also will develop, (comma splice error) strengths and weaknesses are discovering (wrong form) and improving. (wrong form)

Nevertheles, there are several problems associated with teenagers working while studying. The first obvious disadvantages (wrong form) is that it could adversely affect to the quality of education. For instance, they spend too much time for jobs, (comma splice error) after long working hours they feel fatigue or exhaust (wrong form) and do not want to sit at the desk to learn. Secondly, the part-time job environment is often not professional and safe, (wrong form) some students want to make money quickly which can put them at the risk of being defrauded.

To conclude, there are definitely many advantages and disadvantages of having a part-time job for the student.

Anonymous · Answer

desk aqua 120Nowadays, many students want to take a part-time job.

This is a strange choice. Native speakers normally talk of getting a job.

I have an Writing Essay. Please review to me. Many thanks !

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