I have an essay of task 2 ielts. Could you please help me check its structure and grammar and vocabulary. Thank you so much. Wish you a good day.

Question : More government money should be invested in teaching science than in other subjects in order for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do u agree or disagree?

Answer:

People have different views about what should be taught in the educational system. Personally, I agree that the national budget should be spent equally on teaching both science and other areas to stimulate the country’s progress.

It is true that scientific knowledge has made a great contribution to the economic success. Technology helps save labour forces, boost production efficiency; as a result, companies have chances to expand domestic production, to increase profit and to promote the prosperity of economy. For example, in Japan, steel- collar workers with pre-set programs are willing to work around the clock to fulfill customers’ orders of automobile. Robots are likely the renovation based on knowledge related to science. Furthermore, if equipped with fundamental comprehension of science,young generation might easily make incredibly useful discoveries and inventions worth millions of dollar, depending on their pratical usage. In reality, scientific breakthrough has changed the economic face of infant industrial countries worldwide, such as China, Korea, Singapore.

On the other hand, it is undeniable that general knowledge is also the driving force of social progress. Nowadays, learning English- the international language is vital to any ambitious students who want to get out of the comfort zone and to be recognised all over the world. Moveover, national culture value and moral standards should be concentrated on educational programs, due to the fact that these unique beauties make clear differences among nations. Besides, popular social knowledge are helpful for global citizens who have a great passion for international culture exchange. Basic comprehension of the literature, art, music,… could open the door to human civilization. They are practical resources for citizens to build an intelligent country.

To sum up, I totally agree that government’s money invested in educating not only science but also other subjects is a smart way due to these ranges of reasons above.