I have a IELTS Writing Task 2 essay written by me. Please give me a feedback and correct my mistake or grade my scores

It is more important for the government to spend money on promoting the healthy lifestyle to prevent the illness rather than on the treatment for people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It can be argued that supporting the healthy living lifestyle is priority for the authorities to allocate their budget to, while funding the treatment is not worthy. As far as I concerned, I endorse that it is vital to spend governments' expenditure on fostering the healthy living behaviors.

The first reason for this is because investing in promoting the healthy lifestyle could cut down an enormous medical's expenditure. In fact, many countries have to spend the huge amount of money on hospitals, healthcare centers to cure ill people. This is due to the fact that there are an increasing number of people who are misinformed about how to engage in better living behaviors. Consequently, if the authorities introduce the living lifestyles such as doing exercises, having nutritious diets to the citizens, their medical budget will be alleviated.

In addition to the reason above, it is also believed that society would have a better living standard. Specifically, due to lacking of the healthy way of living, many individuals have to face up with a variety of health problems. For example, children are easily prone to obesity since they consume a plenty of junk food. As a result, for a social good, governments' money should be spent on preventing the illness.

To conclude, despite arguable opinion on determining whether funding spreading healthy lifestyle or treating sick people is more important, I support the hypothesis that informing the healthy way of living will be shine better by above supporting evidences. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that boosting healthy living styles will help citizens stay healthily longer.