I have a IELTS Writing Task 2 essay written by me. Please give me a feedback and correct my mistake or grade my scores

Some people think that childcare centers provide the best services for children of pre-school age. other working parents think that family members such as grandparents will be better caretakers for their kids. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Certain some individuals are of their opinion that pre-school children would be given the best services that childcare centers possess. Nonetheless, others claim that members of family could play crucial role in taking care of children. Although both views have a degree of accuracy, I still endorse that childcare centers certainly provide the ultimate availability for children to grow.

On the one hand, it might be thought that family members would better look after children because the kids are more familiar with them. To be specific, members of family such as grandparents have stayed children's side when they were born, thus children would be raised in the safety zone without being afraid of unfamiliar things outside. For example, the kids who are introvert and shy need the care of close people rather than strangers. Consequently, many people suggest that family members might be better caretakers due to kids' feeling of being safe.

On the other hand, most people today oppose that childcare centers could own the optimal condition for pre-school children to be raised. In detail, in most developed countries, childcare centers are equipped with high-quality facilities and infrastructure and possess well-trained and qualified teachers. For instance, while children's slide or artificial rock climbing trains kids' physical body, the teacher spreads immense useful knowledge to them. As a result, with these childcare centers' services, pre-school children would grow in the best condition.

Despite the controversial opinion on determining the optimal way could bring a variety of advantages to kids of pre-school age, I still support that childcare centers supply the best services for children to develop physically and mentally.