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Anonymous Posted 5 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

I have a IELTS Writing Task 2 essay written by me. Please give me a feedback and correct my mistake or grade my scores

Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country's police force or military force, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinions.


Many individuals are of their opinion that position of female should be as equal as that of male in a nation's police and military power. Nonetheless, others claim that female could not be in the part of these jobs. Although both school of thought possess a degree of accuracy, I still endorse the hypothesis that woman can be involved in any occupations, especially, police and military jobs.

On the one hand, it might be that woman are not suitable for joining police force and military force due to their physical disadvantage in direct combat. To be specific, female are born with weaker physical condition than male are. Thus, when it comes to fighting with enemies in a mission, women may be easily prone to have dramatic injuries. Consequently, people suggest that lack of sufficient physical strength leads to the fact that women might not suitable for requirement of police and military jobs.

On the other hand, most of today's individuals oppose the idea because women can have a good performance in doing tasks and completing missions as men do. Specifically, while people these days are less stereotype and more open-minded with the role of male and female, there are also a variety of training schools set up and allowing women to enroll. Hence, despite these field's strenuous nature, woman are able to have an adequate police academies and military training background. As a result, the evidence support the claim of many that the role of women should not have no difference with that of men.

To conclude, despite the controversial opinion on determining the position of male in a country"s police force and military force, I still have a belief that laws can enable female to have a right in order to do anything the want to do. Also, female can perform in the counterparts' jobs in spite of their deficiency of physical strength.

  

Top answer

Many Certain individuals are of their opinion that position of [ 1] female s should be as equal as that of have the same representation as male s have in a nation's police and militar y. power. Nonetheless, others claim that female s could not be in the part of t hese jobs.

  • Many Certain individuals are of their opinion that position of [ 1] female s should be as equal as that of have the same representation as male s have in a nation's police and militar y.
  • power.
  • Nonetheless, others claim that female s could not be in the part of t hese jobs.
  • Although both school of thought possess a degree of accuracy, I still endorse the hypothesis that As far as I am concerned, wom e n can be involved in any occupations, especially, including police and military jobs.
  • On the one hand, it might be thought that wom e n are not suitable for joining police force and military force due to their physical disadvantage in direct combat.
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2 Answers
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Many Certain individuals are of their opinion that position of [ 1] females should be as equal as that of have the same representation as males have in a nation's police and militar

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anonymousin a country's police force

This would be better as just police or police forces. That's because many countries have more than just one police force so, you should use a general term.

anonymousmilitary force,

This would be better as military forc

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