I dont understand A Christmas Story

I watched A Christmas Story 6 complete times over the last 30 hours and each time I saw it I understood it even less.
1. When the family car gets a flat Ralph goes to help, and his fathersays, "What are you doing here?" Is Ralph really dead? Is that why his brother doesn't really talk. The Nararation by older version of Ralph may be a dead man talking like in Casino.
2. The Mall Santa says he "hates the smell of tapioca" I dont evenunderstand what that means.
3. When Ralph is wearing the pink Bunny suit, the father tells themother to tell Ralph to take it off. Why didnt the father tell Ralph himself, he was 4 feet away? Or is the father a ghost. Was he killed in the Furnace incident. Whats a furnace, and how can it have problems? I dont understand.
4. Being in South Florida. are the filmmakers trying to convince me tomove to Northern Indiana. Cause its really not working. I didnt see a single bikini.
5. In school Ralph has to write a Theme. What is a theme? Why doesRalph think he needs a gun to protect the family?
6. Why did the father think the mother used all the glue on purposeafter the leg lamp broke? Is the leg lamp foreshadowing dissection of the family in massacre?
7. Notice Randy (the younger brother) claiming all the good toys onxmas morning. Were the parents still buying toys for two even after Ralph died?
8. Why does the father wear a shirt and tie at home, but doesn't weara tie when he goes out to dinner? Is this to indicate that he used the tie to hang himself? Notice the duck getting decapitated by the Chinaman.
9. Why is everyone so worried about Ralph losing an eye from a BBGun? Is that how Ralph died?
10. Did Ralph kill the Toadie kid during the fight?

This is what I think. I think Ralph is dead and speaking from the grave. The father refers to him as a pink nightmare. And when younger brother Randy is found hiding in the kitchen cupboard he says, "Dad is gonna kill Ralph" Ralph wants the gun to protect himself and the mother but from what? The only way Ralph can speak from the grave is for people to watch the movie. Its kinda like the tape in The Ring. Why else would TBS loop this movie for 24hrs?
To Summarize: Ralphie is dead. The toadie is dead. The dogs are hellhounds.The BB Gun Barrel is the well from The Ring. The father hanged himself with a necktie, and the loopy mother will allow Aliens to steal her child from their home in the sequel, which Disney bought and censored.
Oranse
"Looking like a 50/50 Bar since 1977"
PS - The director Bob Clark also made Black Xmas. Where is the fair and balanced?