I am trying to better my essays, so Experts here please help!!!!!!

Please correct my mistakes in this essay.

And if you could, please tell me what my common mistakes are

then I will know what my weaknesses are to work on.

Thank you so much in advance.

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Here's the topic.

Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In order to advertise, many businesses give gifts to people who buy their products. Fast-food organizers give toys as presents to their customers who are often children. In my opinion, these food companies should be prevented because this may result in children buying more fast food which does harm to them and an increase in the general production cost.

First, the consequences of the companies’ action may be children’s bad health. In fact, young children are often attracted to fast-food, especially when they are given gifts. For example, KFC who sells fried chicken, hamburgers has a strategy that is give children who buy their products a different doll in a collection. A child who wants to own that collection of dolls will buy fast food in KFC as quickly as possible, apparently they eat the food. The child who eats too much fast food might be overweight, which in turn leads to many diseases as obesity, heart disease or diabetes.

Second, the whole production expense for customers probably increases to at least avoid losing profits for the companies. The fact is that these food companies join hands with those who manufacture toys to make profits together. The will attract more customers, typically children by this way. The problem for the buyers is that they have to pay for two or more products that are the food they actually buy and the gifts which they think are given.

In conclusion, fast-food manufacturers should be impeded from giving toys to lower the risk of children’s health and the production cost. Government should enact laws to protect customers, especially children who are still young and not aware of fast-food harms as well as marketing.