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Castroaj Posted 14 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing

I am sure no one is answering me but i am gonna try ! i need check my grammar!

I am writing movie Dialogue about 9/11 can someone check my grammar?

C (Daughter): Dad, I’m inside building I need help please I don’t want to die I hear everyone they are screaming and burning around me and jumping down

B (Father): Sweetheart, everything will be fine just hang tight I will be there very soon

C (Daughter): Dad, please I am loosing signal and fire is start coming to my room, I am stocked in this room.
B (Father): Sweetie please stay little bit longer

C (Daughter): Dad, I can’t fire is coming in my room

B: Please honey wait little bit longer all fireworkers are trying hard and I’m trying to come in building
C (Daughter): Dad, I can’t stand anymore fire is around me I can’t breathe, I am going out of window.

B (Father): Ok, I have plan, jump outside windows and I ll catch you like when you were kid and we were playing.

C (Daughter): ok Dad

B (Father): Yeah see sweetheart I told you jump out , see you are safe now I catch you see I told you it see, so you are not burning you are safe with me see I told you daddy is going to save you .
A (New wife): John Wake up, Wake up , What’s wrong why you are screaming again,

B (Father): Crying out- I saw my daughter again who wanted help and I couldn’t save her.

A (New Wife): Did you have your pills?

B (Father) Yeah but those pills doesn’t work anymore.

A ( New Wife) : Look John I understand difficulty that you facing but I am sorry I don’t think I can take this anymore you are seeing same nightmares every day and every nights , you are almost make me feel very bad too , your daughter and 9/11 backs to 12 years ago and still you are struggling with your nightmares.

B (Father) : I am sorry but she was my daughter !

A: ( New wife ) Look ,I think we should end this in here because I can’t take this anymore , and I have life to take care and I had enough of this and its best for us to separate

B: (Father) with crying eyes, Ok babe, you are right.
  

Top answer

C (Daughter): Dad, I’m inside a/the building I need help please I don’t want to die I hear everyone screaming and burning around me and jumping down B (Father): Sweetheart, everything will be fine just hang tight I will be there very soon C (Daughter): Dad, please I am losing the signal and fire is starting to come into my room, I am stuck in this room. A (New wife): John Wake up, Wake up , What’s wrong why you are screaming again,B (Father): Crying out- I saw my daughter again who wanted help and I couldn’t save her. A (New Wife): Did you take your pills?

  • C (Daughter): Dad, I’m inside a/the building I need help please I don’t want to die I hear everyone screaming and burning around me and jumping down B (Father): Sweetheart, everything will be fine just hang tight I will be there very soon C (Daughter): Dad, please I am losing the signal and fire is starting to come into my room, I am stuck in this room.
  • A (New wife): John Wake up, Wake up , What’s wrong why you are screaming again,B (Father): Crying out- I saw my daughter again who wanted help and I couldn’t save her.
  • A (New Wife): Did you take your pills?
  • A: ( New wife ) Look ,I think we should end this here because I can’t take this anymore , and I have my life to take care of and I've had enough of this and it's best for us to separate B: (Father) with crying eyes, Ok babe, you are right.
  • THERE ARE MANY COMMAS MISSING BUT THIS IS AN IMPROVED VERSION.
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1 Answers
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C (Daughter): Dad, I’m inside a/the building I need help please I don’t want to die I hear everyone screaming and burning around me and jumping down B (Father): Sweetheart, everything will be fine just hang tight I will be there very soon C (Daughter): Dad, please I am losing the signal and fire is starting to come into my room, I am stuck in this room. B (Father): Sweetie please stay a little b

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