I am not good with shaespearean language, can someone translate few lines!

0hello, please translate these02br
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00It is not folderol! Every time my reunion comes around, it coincides with a severe downturn in my life. Five years ago Lilith divorced me; five years before that I was left at the altar; five years before that I fell face first into the poison ivy! And here we are right on schedule, I'm freshly fired!02br
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00"Ophelia, I understand that you still have feelings for Hamlet, but you believe that entering into a deeper relationship would be inappropriate, given the differences in your social standings. That's fair enough, but surely there must have been some way to communicate your misgivings to him, rather than simply withdrawing all contact from him. It's understandable that this would be confusing and upsetting to him." 02br
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00"Hamlet, I know that this has been a difficult time for you, with your father's sudden death and your mother's remarriage. But whatever you feel about your mother, you shouldn't imagine that her faults are common to all womankind, and it's unfair of you to take this out on Ophelia. It's clear from your statement that it would be better if your mother hadn't borne you that you're also suffering from low self-esteem, and I'd like you to work on seeing your good qualities."0-