I am a grade 8 student and this is my essay for a scholarship..plz.check.it

I am having problems with the introduction... It doesn't sound right.. I would love it if somebody gives me advice or ideas on how to improve it plus read the whole thing and give me advice on how to improve it. At the end i used the sentence:I would like to get into a good university and become a professional while not forgetting the common and important values of life and the keys to success; responsibility, integrity, excellence and discipline... the last 4 words are the moto of our school.. and a requirement for the essay.. yea




Parkdale Scholarship Award



I am applying for the Parkdale Sholarship Award and believe that I am a very good candidate for it. I am sure and certainly hope that you would think the same after reading my essay. I would like you to consider my furutre plans, my involvement in co-curricular activities at school and why I deserve and am a good candidate for the Parkdale Scholarship Award before you make your decision.

In school I participate in lots of extra curricular activities. To name some, I was picked to be part of the Red Maple Reading Club (Gr. 7), the Design Tech. Team (Gr. 7 & 8), and the Tech. Team.

The Tech. Team is led by and the students picked to be part of the team are supposed to go around the school and fix computers. To make this possible, had to make another account that had all, or almost all, the powers a computer administrator would have, and he gave us the password to it. Which is why he only picked the people he really trusted. And I was one of them.

The Design Tech. Team was led by and was to participate in a building competetion against other schools. I was picked to be part of the group of 4 that was going to go to _______________ to compete. The challenge was complicated but we managed to build a great prototype of the device that performed the functions required.

Both this year and last year I got the first On-A-Roll. The On-A-Roll certificate is given to the students who work hard, try their best and show a positive attitude. And me getting the first On-A-Roll shows that I am hardworking and have a positive attitude towards school, my classmates and towards education and learning. I am a hardworking student, and always try my best to achieve my best.

The main reason for why I, my siblings and my parents came to was education. And I am very serious about education and work hard to get to where I want to be. If you compare my grades from Gr.6, which was my first year in , with my Gr. 8 grades you will see the improvement. In writing I started out with getting around 72% in gr. 6, then around 82% in grade 7, and now 88% on my most recent Gr. 8 report card. You can obviously see the improvement. Same thing in math; I got grades in 70s in gr. 6, 80s in grade 7 and now my math grades are in 90s. And I would say I am very proud of it. And so are my parents, and I would like to make them prouder by getting into a good university and becoming someone big. I plan to continue working hard and make my GPA even higher so I can get into a really good university.

My parents knew that they wouldn’t be able to afford our education in my back-home country. They also knew that in parents or even the students don’t have to pay all the fees for their education. If the student really is serious about his/her future schools and other organizations offer scholarships to those students who work hard, get good grades, show a positive attitude in class and towards learning and participate in extra curricular activities. And I do. I fit into all of those categories. And I would love the help of a scholarship to help me get through university. Having 2 other brothers and 1 other sister, even though now my parents provide for us now I know for a fact that they wouldn’t be able to bare the expenses of our post-secondary education. So the Parkdale Scholarship would really come in handy.

My favorite subjects being Math, Science and Language Arts I want a career in fields relating or having to do with these subjects. I want to go to a good university, get a good job and make a name for myself. I am not so sure about what I want to be yet. The two careers I am considering are Accounting and Law. And if I want to have a successful career in either I need to go to a good university. I am planning to continue getting the straight As I get on my report card, and will work hard to increase those grades even more, which will ensure me admission in a good university.

Being in a university, paying the high fees for each semester, buying the required books and other stationary, studying and having to work full-time at the same time would be really hard. I know that I deserve the Parkdale Scholarship, I know it would help me a lot and I would love that help. I understand how important education is. I would like to get into a good university and become a professional while not forgetting the common and important values of life and the keys to success; responsibility, integrity, excellence and discipline.





By: Rabia Ata - 81