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My son has written the following sentences, and his teacher has corrected each. Please help me understand what is wrong with his. Is it just too informal?

(HIS): As if living in a microcasm, the biologist had grown everything needed for survival.

(TEACHER): As if he were living in a microcasm, the biologist had grown everything needed for survival.

(HIS): Although he had won the lottery, the new millionaire squalored his life and money away, and became poorer than before.

(TEACHER) Although he had won the lottery, the new millionaire lived in squalor, throwing his life and money away, and becoming poorer than before.

(HIS): After moving to the country, he found he no longer needed an alarm clock as the rooster was his reveille.

(TEACHER): After he moved to the country, he found he no longer needed an alarm clock as the rooster was his reveille.

Khoff · Accepted Answer

Hi, Soloist -- welcome to the forum. In the second example, I think your son has confused "squalor" with "squander" (and I don't think the teacher realized it). "He squandered his life and money away (and ended up living in squalor).

In the other two examples, I really don't see anything wrong with the original versions.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Welcome to the Forum!
Here are some ideas about these sentences. I don't know how old your son is, but he is getting into some advanced English!

Soloist(HIS): As if living in a microcasm, the biologist had grown everything needed for survival.
(TEACHER): As if he were living in a microcasm, the biologist had grown everything needed for survival.

There is one problem the teacher didn't catch - the word is microcosm, not microcasm.
The point he wants to make is that the biologist is not really living in a miniature world, it is only an allegory to his actual situation. In such cases, we use a verb form called the subjunctive mood.
For example: If I were the President of the United States, I would declare my birthday a national holiday.
The use of the past form "were" tells us that this "living in a microcosm" is fiction; not really true.

Soloist(HIS): Although he had won the lottery, the new millionaire squalored his life and money away, and became poorer than before.
(TEACHER) Although he had won the lottery, the new millionaire lived in squalor, throwing his life and money away, and becoming poorer than before.

The problem is the word "squalor", which is a noun, not a verb. The verb your son meant to use is "squander," which means to waste shamefully. (That is the situation we are in with all this bailout stuff.)
I disagree with the teacher's version, because your son did not write that the new millionaire lived in squalor (dirt, filth, and extreme poverty), unless the instructions were to use the word "squalor", not squander. Still, it does not make sense to me that a millionaire would live in squalor. He would live the good life in luxury until everything was spent...
I would write his sentence: Although he had won the lottery, the new millionaire squandered his life and money away, and became poorer than before.

Soloist(HIS): After moving to the country, he found he no longer needed an alarm clock as the rooster was his reveille.
(TEACHER): After he moved to the country, he found he no longer needed an alarm clock as the rooster was his reveille.

You son's version is fine, and so is the teacher's. Your son has used "moving" as a gerund, which is perfectly fine as the object of the preposition "after". The teacher converted this phrase into a subordinate clause, which is also fine.

Avangi · Answer

Hi, Soloist. Thanks for joining us. Welcome to English Forums.

Sometimes specific instructions are given with an assignment, and the only problem is that they weren't followed. We can't always tell.

1. (Note spelling of "microcosm.") The difference here is slight. The teacher's use of the subjunctive is a bit more formal, as you suggest, but your son's version is not "informal."

To me, the teacher's version suggests that the biologist acted deliberately, and knew what he was doing. Your son's version seems to allow that the biologist might be doing something a bit strange (As if in a dream - as if on another planet). It's purely a matter of common usage, and is in no way incorrect - unless it's contrary to some instruction.

2. Here, your son has misused "squalor." It's a noun, not a verb. (Perhaps he "squirreled" it away, which would mean to stash it away.) He's using is as a synonym for "squandered," which is in fact a verb. (I have no way of knowing what the assignment was.)

In terms of meaning, "squandered his life and money away" is equivalent to "throwing his life and money away," except for the particular verb structure. The use of the participles, "throwing" and "becoming" may have been part of the assignment. The sentence structures, though both correct, are quite different.

3. Both versions are correct, in my opinion. (I'd probably use commas after "clock.")

The teacher's version begins with a clause, while your son's prepositional phrase clearly modifies only the verb, "found." To me the phrase gives a stronger sense that this is all about the clock, but I can't imagine why her version should be more correct.

I have to stress that it's very important to know exactly what the assignment was. Do we really know if the teacher is calling his work "incorrect"?

Best wishes, - A.

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