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This letter is written by a local lawyer. I personally think that it's just okie, I can't say if it is good or bad as my understanding of English is also very limited. I'd like to hear the opnions from native speakers. What would say about this? Any grammar errors?Thanks

Dear Sir,

Re: Application for visa/permission for Mr. XXX to work in our employment during his stay in China

We are a company limited by shares carrying on the business polyester industry in Shanghai.

We have a lot of Vietnam customers and have business operation at Vietnam. In order to communicate with our Vietnam customers and give instructions to the staff for carrying on our operation in Vietnam, we require some of our staff to be able to speak both Mandarin and Vietnamese so that we can take the orders from the customers and give directions and instructions to our staff in Vietnam how to work and execute their duties. As Vietnamese is not a common language in China, we have been unable to recruit any staff or engineer from the local market in China who are able to speak vietnamese and possess the expertise knowledge of our industry in order to discharge the functions we expect.

We shall therefore be oblige if you may consider the unique need of our company for an operation engineer who has the expertise knowledge of engineering technology and experience in the same field/industry which we are operating as well as his ability to communicate in both Vietnamese and Mandarin so that he can efficiently facilitate the communication between our company and our Vietnamese customers and help to carry on our operation in Malaysia.

We look forward to your earliest positive reply.

Yours Faithfully,

________________

XXX

Mister Micawber · Accepted Answer

Dear Sirs:

Re: Application for visa/permission for Mr. *** to work in our employment during his stay in China

We are a limited company carrying on business in the polyester industry in Shanghai.

We have many Vietnamese customers and have business operations in Vietnam and Malaysia. In order to communicate with our customers and give instructions to our Vietnamese staff there, we require some of our staff to be able to speak both Mandarin and Vietnamese. As Vietnamese is not a common language in China, we have been unable to recruit any staff from the local market who are able to speak Vietnamese and also possess the necessary industry expertise to discharge the functions we require.

We would therefore be obliged if you would consider the unique need of our company for Mr.****, an operations engineer with experience in our field as well as the ability to communicate in both Vietnamese and Mandarin, and grant him the required visa.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. We look forward to your earliest positive reply.

Yours faithfully,

Joeviee · Answer

Thanks a lot Mr.M

I noticed you have made quite a number of changes to the original post to make it less wordy, which is great.

By the way, how would you rate the original post?

Thanks for your reply.

Mister Micawber · Answer

The original post is certainly understandable, Jow, but it has the redundancy that non-native speakers of any language often think is necessary.

Joeviee · Answer

Yes, maybe because we always have the wrong thinking that a longer letter shows more sincerity.

Thanks for your reply, M.M:)

Mister Micawber · Answer

That is a very interesting point, Jow-- thank you for sharing that information. Yes, good western-style business letters should be direct, concise and clear-- although there are still a lot of turgid writers that love to hear themselves write and love to cram their letters with cliches and set phrases. Western sincerity is expressed more in word choice, I think, rather than length of utterance: naturally conversational in tone, yet the retention of a business-like attitude and the appropriate register for business associates.

Not wrong thinking, of course-- just a different cultural approach to communication.

Joeviee · Answer

I'm very glad that you've assured me the right way to write a good business letter. I've been struggling with this point since I left Uni. In Uni, my lecturer always encouraged the students to use modern-style approach in business letter writing, that are - direct, simple, consice and clear, which is exactly what you proposed. But when I actually practiced that on my first job, I was critised so badly by my superior for having bad sense in writing formal letter. Here are some of the examples I could still remember she had corrected on my letter,

"Apend herewith is the...." instead of " I have attached a......",

"Kindly contact the undersigned ....." instead of " Please give me a call...."

"We offer our humblest apologies for the unnecessary inconvenience that you have been casued in this instance." instead of "Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience caused."

And I remember she told me this, "To make your recepient look up the dictionary is better than they read and think the writer is a high school dropout."

I was unable to figure what she meant then. But that wasn't important to me anymore, I quitted the job after 2 months:)

Clive · Answer

Hi Joeviee,

In Western culture, good writers would consider all your choices to be better. However, it's hard to argue with your boss, isn't it?

On the other hand, there are plenty of people in the West who do not write business letters well.

Best wishes, Clive

Joeviee · Answer

Clive............there are plenty of people in the West who do not write business letters well.

Best wishes, Clive

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