How to write good dialogue?

Question

I am a novice write and am attempting to finish my first screenplay. I feel I have a good story but am having trouble with the dialogue. I was wondering if anyone could share their tips for coming up with good dialogue. Where do you get your motivation? The screenplay I am working on is for a children's' movie. I plan on watching some old videos of my friends and myself as kids to try to get some inspiration from that. If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it.

Thanks,
Garrett

Usenet · Accepted Answer

[nq:1]I am a novice write and am attempting to finish my first screenplay. I feel I have a good story ... try to get some inspiration from that. If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it. Thanks, Garrett[/nq]
Check out www.solstein.com and see if he still has his recorded lecture on dialogue. He taught the first university class on it at UC Irvine. Former publisher, one of the members of the playwrights wing of the Actor Studio, editor for Elia Kazan and James Baldwin, etc.

Skip
http://www.skippress.com
Our life is what our thoughts make it.
Marcus Aurelius

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am a novice write and am attempting to finish my first screenplay. I feel I have a good story ... kids to try to get some inspiration from that. If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it.[/nq]
Two tips - first, listen to the kinds of people you're trying to emulate. Go to a playground, Chuck E. Cheese, where ever, and just listen. Take notes or make recordings, if that works for you, but most important is just to get the feel for it.
Second, realize that it's a process, not a product, and be prepared to rewrite it. Once you have a draft that you're more-or-less happy with, set up a reading. Get some folks together, scripts in hand, and have them read it, out loud. Hearing the words coming out of other peoples' mouths will do wonders for showing you where it isn't working.
Lather, rinse, repeat until it sounds right.

Life Continues, Despite
Evidence to the Contrary
Steven

Usenet · Answer

[nq:2]Re: dialog. It's also a good idea to watch movies and read scripts in the genre. Home movies are very different from commercial ones.[/nq]
[nq:1]I agree. Real life dialogue can give you some gems and some good, memorable lines, but actual written dialogue differs ... scripts to see how it's done right and read a lot of bad scripts to see how it's done wrong.[/nq]
Writing "how people really talk" is silly for the reasons you point out. And it's one of the reasons why Hollywood usually portrays Southerners as goobers, because they don't know the way they really talk. ****, William Faulkner was a Southerner. Look up the movie he wrote from a Hemingway short story some time. Whistle, Steve, you'll figure it out. Or even The Big Sleep.
I spoke in Aspen once and invited along some guys who used to post on this group a lot (they've made a lot of films and shows). We were discussing dialogue and how to do it and a guy stands up in the audience who had been Bruce Willis' development guy. He said Willis got so sick of trying to find a good script he finally just said -

"Just find me something cool to say!"

Skip
http://www.skippress.com
Things are always cooking in the back of my mind or in the back of a drawer. There is never a day I don't write something. It's not tough to make a picture. It's tough to make a deal.
Billy Wilder, 1988, at age 82

Usenet · Answer

@reader2.panix.com:
[nq:1]Two tips - first, listen to the kinds of people you're trying to emulate. Go to a playground, Chuck E. ... notes or make recordings, if that works for you, but most important is just to get the feel for it.[/nq]
That's the advice I received from a producer once, when they wanted me to emulate the hip lingo of teenagers. I thought about a (then) 38-year old man loitering around playgrounds and school grounds, spying on teenagers.

Could be a bit problematic...
jaybee

Usenet · Answer

@reader2.panix.com:
[nq:1]Screen dialogue has to pull off many tricks impart exposition, establish character, speak in individual voices, move the plot ... scripts to see how it's done right and read a lot of bad scripts to see how it's done wrong.[/nq]
And be especially wary of on-the-nose dialogue and expository dialogue. That's when your characters deliver information for the benefit of the audience that would, in a normal setting, sound completely ridiculous.
jaybee

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am a novice write and am attempting to finish my first screenplay. I feel I have a good story ... kids to try to get some inspiration from that. If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it.[/nq]
http://www3.baylor.edu/~Greg Garrett/writing/dialogue.html

Not specifically for screenplays, but it covers the basics.

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]I am a novice write and am attempting to finish my first screenplay. I feel I have a good story ... kids to try to get some inspiration from that. If anyone has some advice I would love to hear it.[/nq]
I consider this a good example of good dialogue. It's a part of the action (the story), it's not an unnecessary addition to it. It's not on the nose and it makes you want to keep reading.
(So my brother wrote it? So what?)
Good luck.

INT. HOSPITAL CELL DAY
ALLEN HAMON, 40S, in hospital gown, gaunt, eyes open too wide, is handcuffed to a steel-framed hospital bed. He's agitated.
DR. JAYMON, 50s, immaculate suit and tie, is sitting with his legs crossed, a notebook in one hand and a pencil and a can of pop in the other. He sips from the can of Diet Pepsi, than sets it down on the floor.

DR JAYMON
So machines... hate you?
ALLEN
No.
DR JAYMON
You said they don't like you anymore.
ALLEN
No. You weren't listening. Your type
NEVER listen.
Dr. Jaymon scribbles in his notepad, then looks up. He pastes on a bland smile as he stares intently at Allen.

DR JAYMON
Our "type?"
Allen rolls his eyes.
ALLEN
Know it all clueless nitwits, who
can NEVER hear what someone else
actually says.
The pencil lead breaks. The bland smile vanishes. Dr. Jamon clenches the Diet Pepsi can and it bends slightly.

ALLEN
Do you mind not hurting him?
DR JAYMON
Him?
ALLEN
The can.
Dr. Jamon sets the can down.
DR JAYMON
So, Mr. Hamon, what did you "actually"
say?
ALLEN
I said machines aren't my friends
anymore. They used to watch out for
me.
DR JAYMON
You think machines... are alive?
ALLEN
No.
A few moments of silence.
DR JAYMON
Then how could they "watch out" for
you?
Allen sighs.
ALLEN
Do you really want to know?
DR JAYMON
That is why I'm here.
ALLEN
Then put the **** pad and pencil
down and listen this time.
Dr Jamon uncrosses his legs.
DR JAYMON
But...
ALLEN
No buts.
Dr. Jamon sets the pad down on the floor beside the can of Diet Pepsi.
DR JAYMON
I'm listening.
ALLEN
Machines used to help
me. Because I knew them so well
DR JAYMON
But you said
Allen shakes his head.
ALLEN
Ah, ah, ah...
After a moment he continues.
ALLEN
Machines used to help me because I
knew them so well. Their makeup.
Their metals. Metals... Do you
understand now, Doctor?
DR JAYMON
No.
ALLEN
All metals are living entities. Gold,
silver, mercury, copper, tin, aluminum
the whole lot.
DR JAYMON
Metals
ALLEN
Living and breathing.
DR JAYMON
So, are computers evil?
Allen rolls his eyes.
ALLEN
Man, did that come out of left field.
Do you believe really computers are
alive, that they can actually think?
I thought you were an educated man.
DR JAYMON
But you
ALLEN
Metal, not machines, not computers,
not waffles, not mushrooms metals.
Concentrate, doctor, this is not
rocket science.
DR JAYMON
No need to be
ALLEN
Condescending? True...true. I'm a
bit strapped for time if you'll
pardon the pun.
Silence.
ALLEN
Get it?
Dr. Jamon pastes on the bland smile again.
DR JAYMON
So, these metals...
ALLEN
Are mostly good. Some tend to bend
more easily to the will of Evil One
than others. You might say some are
more malleable than others. Just
like us, I suppose.
DR JAYMON
Good and evil... metals?
ALLEN
Mostly neutral. At least they used
to be. I used to get along really
well with them and the machines
that obeyed them. All except for
one...
DR JAYMON
One metal, the "evil" one?
ALLEN
I won't say it's name here.
Silence.
ALLEN
Have you ever heard tin scream,
Doctor?
DR JAYMON
Mumm...
ALLEN
It's horrible.
Dr. Jamon picks up the Diet Pepsi can, drains it,
crumples it and lets it drop to the floor with a clang.

ALLEN
What the **** are you doing, ***?
DR JAYMON
I, uh... mumm...
ALLEN
You *** mouthbreathing son of a
***!
(pause)
Bring it to me. Bring it to me now!
Dr. Jamon jumps up, grabs the can and drops it into Allen's hands.
Allen instantly calms.
ALLEN
It's okay. He'll be fine.
He cuddles the can and draws it near his face, whispering to it.
ALLEN
Shhh... shh, little one.
DR JAYMON
So which metal is the evil
ALLEN
Not now, Doctor.
The can uncrumples at first slowly, then it suddenly pops back into perfect shape.
ALLEN
There, there, little one. There,
there.
Now Dr. Jaymon's eyes are wide.
DR JAYMON
How the ****
ALLEN
Hush, doctor, he has something to
say, but he's a little shy.
Allen maneuvers the can nearer to his ear. After a moment he stares, wide-eyed at Dr. Jaymon.
Dr. Jamon instinctively backs away.
DR JAYMON
What?
ALLEN
You are the unwilling servant of the
Evil One.
DR JAYMON
I... no...
ALLEN
You have a pen, hidden in you
pocket... what kind of plating?
Dr. Jaymon reaches into his suit.
DR JAYMON
It's not "hidden" it's a... the
plating is cobalt
The can jumps out of Allen's hands and rolls to the opposite wall and continues banging into it.
ALLEN
Leave it. Leave it in your pocket,
for the love of
The pen is free. It falls out Dr. Jamon's hands and rolls quickly along the floor.
The handcuffs that held Allen to the bed snap open, the bars in the window bend and break creating a way out.

Allen leaps for the window just as the pen stabs at the wall.
ALLEN (O.S.)
Run doctor! Run! It knows you know.
But Dr. Jaymon lies in a pool of blood, a neatly drilled hole clean through his skull.

Usenet · Answer

@reader2.panix.com:
[nq:1]I consider this a good example of good dialogue. It's a part of the action (the story), it's not an unnecessary addition to it. It's noton the nose and it makes you want to keep reading. (So my brother wrote it? So what?)[/nq]
So it's no Michael Bay dialogue.
Action
Action
Dialogue
Action
Freaking amazing action
Action detente
Last unexpected burst of action
jaybee

Usenet · Answer

@reader2.panix.com:
[nq:1]No, this is Michael Bay dialogue. MICHAEL Boom, boom, BOOOM, BOOM BOOOM BOOMMM!!! ASSISTANT And then? MICHAEL BOOMM!![/nq]
-poor exposition, man.
jaybee

Usenet · Answer

[nq:1]Oh, you want exposition? JAKE Hi Jason, remember that time we went to the county fair, in that old, grey ... the small town of Fairfield Montana just before we were born. JAKE Indeed it was, Jason... (Dare me to continue)[/nq]
M. Night Shyamalan is going to sue you for plagiarism. Then he's going to shoot your script and cast himself as Jake. And Jason.
jaybee
...and the father.

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