How to write back to professor after he gave comments for your proposal?

Is this ok?

Dear Professor,
The attached please find the adjusted proposal for my Research.
I summarized the details of former proposal into a brief proposal for Design-Based research,focused at the concept of flows in floor-sitting space and the possibility to use it in design process of modern domestic space.
It is still need to do more additional literature reviews. And I will try to make it clearer in a near future.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration, and for any comments you could give me.
Sincerely yours,

Anott